


Imperfections

by cherrybubblegum



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: F/M, My girl has baggage, Selena's mother issues will be explored, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-10-13
Packaged: 2019-03-07 07:20:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 40,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13429704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrybubblegum/pseuds/cherrybubblegum
Summary: No matter how many times he bests her, he can't shake the feeling that she somehow has him beat.





	1. Sexist Pegasi

The small, makeshift stable was little more than a roof supported by four wooden posts; yet it was the only place Subaki felt he could escape the unrelenting waves. He figured it was the smell. He could still feel the world swaying beneath his feet if he concentrated, but somehow the familiar smell of hay and manure was enough to push everything else to the back of his mind.

Subaki gave his pegasus a final, reassuring pat on the rump before leaving the comfort of the shade. He’d made himself useful tending the horses, but if he lingered any longer people would notice. Much like himself, Tenba didn’t care much for traveling by ship. Whenever the army sailed, Subaki often volunteered to ride and fly above the vessel. This allowed him to act as a useful lookout – and avoid embarrassing seasickness. After the ambush this morning, however, there wasn’t energy to spare. In the end, Corrin and their army were victorious, but Sakura was kept busy tending to the wounded. Subaki still ached, and poor Tenba was uneasy – something the two pairs of reproachful, red wyvern eyes only a few feet away were aggravating.

Usually wyverns didn’t irk his mount – Tenba fought one just this morning without hesitation. But Subaki figured that could explain the discomfort; it wasn’t typical for an enemy to become an ally. But now all the animals, Nohrian and Hoshidan alike, were resting abreast as if old friends. If it was disquieting for the soldiers; for the animals, it must have been absolutely distressing. (Subaki kept it to himself, but he thought it was ridiculous the scaly monsters were allowed to lounge casually on the deck at all. Surely their weight alone warranted they fly overhead?)

Now that Sakura was done healing everyone, he saw her seated at one of the large wooden tables with Princess Camilla. He felt a pang of pity; somehow Sakura looked both embarrassed, and a little frightened. But as usual, she was a shining model of politeness; seated beside this other woman who had intended to kill Corrin. He envied his liege’s resolve. To him, their new allies were a bitter pill to swallow.

Figuring there was little he could do to ease Sakura’s discomfort, he tried to walk past the pair towards the hold, intent on taking inventory of their stocks. He’d already done so this morning, but that was before the unexpected battle. Unfortunately, as soon as he  came into sight, he saw a purple-gloved hand ushering him over.

He had no choice but to comply.

“Subaki is it? Sakura has told me _all_ about you.”

To his liege’s benefit, Subaki made a point of not glancing at Sakura’s mortified face.

 “Is that so? Well, now that we’re on the same side, the more we know the better!” Discomfort aside, his first duty was always to the younger Hoshidan princess, and if she thought following Corrin was the best course of action, then Subaki would bear whatever came of it.

“We are very lucky to have someone as formidable as yourself on our side, Princess Camilla.”

She made a dismissive gesture. “Goodness, I hope not all Hoshidans are this flattering! I don’t think I could stand it.” She smiled, but Subaki thought there was probably some truth to her statement.

“It smells like Corrin is nearly done with supper – what a darling – Subaki, would you mind going below deck to fetch my lovely retainers? I think they went below to catch some rest after our excursion today.”

_Excursion._

“It would be my pleasure. Beruka and…?”

“Selena. They should both be in the rooms at the end of the hall.”

He bowed lightly to the two princesses. He retraced his steps past the stable and towards the hatch leading below deck. His pegasus snorted pointedly as he passed. Tenba wasn’t the only one seated next to a monster.

_Sorry buddy, you’re on your own._

Closing the hatch behind him, he descended the short ladder, relishing the moment of calm away from the bustling activity above. It was short lived; as he reached the floor and turn around he nearly bumped right into a short woman. He repressed an emasculating yelp. Beruka was the stoic wyvern rider who he’d combated directly earlier that day. She had been quite formidable with her axe, leaving a nasty gash in his bicep that still stung despite the healing.

He swallowed his qualms.

“Just in time – Beruka, was it?” He gave a short bow of his head, noting her pointed, metal gauntlets. He was glad handshakes weren’t much of a Hoshidan thing. Was everything Nohrian black and pointy?

She merely stared. Rudeness, Subaki thought, was an intolerable and easily remedied offence and he, at least, would not succumb to it.

“Say, no hard feelings about earlier, alright? I’m glad you’re on our side, now.” He flashed his dazzling smile… And was met with the same stony expression.

“Feelings…” She seemed to hold the word on her tongue, as if tasting it. “I don’t take _feelings_ into battle. Nor out of it. There’s no need to speak more of it.”

Surely this unfamiliar sensation wasn’t _awkwardness?_ He mentally brushed the feeling aside. He would not be tarnished by unpleasantries.

“Well, dinner is nearly done. Everyone is starting to seat themselves up on deck.”

“Thank you.” Beruka managed to squeeze between him and the wall, hardly grazing him as she did so. She wasted no time climbing the ladder.

He continued down the hallway, head bowed slightly due to the low ceiling. The lamps spread intermittently along the narrow corridor flickered and danced shadows across the walls. They did not help his churning stomach.

He stopped in front of the last door and gave it three smart raps. There were easier ways to announce dinner – verbally through the unopened door for example –but Subaki had some interest in meeting this woman. He remembered seeing Selena on the battlefield. Her bright red hair was unusual for a Nohrian, and committed her easily to memory. From what he saw, she was also incredibly skilled with a sword.

“What do you want?” She sounded annoyed, even though the door.

Having expected her to open the door like a decent human being, Subaki was momentarily at a loss.

“Ah. Dinner is nearly ready, if you would be able to come upstairs…?”

He heard some shuffling and then finally a dismissive “Fine.”

He caught himself staring at the door. He expected her to open it, be out in a moment, and they could perhaps have friendly introductions as they walked down the hall. But the longer he waited the stranger it felt to remain waiting. This derailment of his plans somehow froze him in place.

Finally, the shuffling inside subsided, and the door abruptly opened.

“Yikes!” She startled in the doorway. “Why are you still here? Creep…!” Her abrasive words seemed to manifest physically and push him off to the side, allowing her to stomp past him and down the hall. She didn’t even look back as she climbed the ladder, closing the latch behind her with a definitive thump.

His stomach flopped, again. He didn’t even get a chance to give her his name. Although that was probably for the best. “Creep” was not his preferred title, and he hoped she would forget the whole thing immediately. Over dinner. By morning, certainly. He tried to leave the aura of discomfort behind him as he went back down the hall and re-emerged into the salty air.

 

 

Subaki woke a few hours later feeling disoriented and undeniably _sick_. Wrapped in a swaying hammock, he fumbled for the little oil lamp he knew was somewhere on the bedside table. He lit it, casting light on his unfamiliar and cramped room. His things were folded in one corner, barely a step away from the table with the lamp. And he, in a hammock that hung from one end of the room to the other, was curled in the fetal position feeling nauseous. He regretted the fish stew they all shared for supper. He hadn’t been very hungry, but their new Nohrian recruits were so clearly not fond of the meal (“Have they never eaten a _fish_ before??” Oboro had voiced her incredulity with glee) that they all felt the need to make a special point of enjoying it. It was childish, but in their defence, it had been Prince Takumi who wordlessly initiated this call for seconds. The Prince had only recently deigned to sit with Corrin during meals, but it seemed with the addition of Camilla and her retainers, he revoked his favour. That evening he had pointedly sat at the table with the Hoshidan retainers and other support staff while Corrin sat with the Nohrian trio and Sakura. It had been…awkward.

With a pre-emptive groan, he forced himself out of the hammock (which was quite a challenge) and put on his slippers and a robe from his pile. He quietly left his room, aiming to get into fresh air as soon as possible and hopefully go unnoticed by judgemental eyes.

He raised his head into the chilly air and seeing no one on deck, finished his ascent.

It was a dark night, the moon hidden somewhere behind the clouds. He practically ran to the railing and promptly emptied his stomach into the black water below. He allowed himself to hang there limply, throat burning, head and shoulders over the side of the ship, feeling pathetic. It wasn’t a good look for him. He would be quite willing to fall into the waves if someone were to see him now.

As if the gods were calling his bluff, he heard the latch open. The wave of panic overcame his wave of nausea and he shifted so as to be better hidden behind some crates on deck. Even in the dim light it was easy to figure out who it was; there were only two people on board with long red hair, and one of them was currently peeking, in his sleeping clothes and slippers, from the crack between two wooden crates.

Selena moved self-consciously. He wondered if maybe she was also sick? But then she moved in the direction of the stable. He heard a rumble come from one of the wyverns.

“Oh shut it, Ervoq!”

The rumbling subsided, almost petulantly. It was hard to see what she was doing, but her heard the familiar sound of one of Tenba’s snorts. This was followed by some shushing and then a light whinny.

What was she…?

Curiosity caused him to risk being seen, as he moved from looking between the crates to crouching so he was looking over them.

Selena was… sitting with Tenba? It was hard to be sure, but it seemed she still wore her scowl, as if someone had urged her to coddle the creature against her will. She patted him absentmindedly. Somehow, he felt violated. He was the “creep” yet here she was sneaking off to spend time with his pegasus?

“It’s been so long since I’ve seen…” the rest of her sentence was swallowed by the sound of a wave hitting the side of the boat. “… And when I saw… ” The waves, of course, continued their relentless barrage.

Tenba loved attention as much as Subaki did, although the pegasus didn’t have the modesty to try and hide it. The silly dolt was probably hamming it up for this prickly visitor. She probably won him over as soon as she told off one of the giant scaly mules.

At the urgent call of his gut, he quickly crawled back to the railing to heave into the waves, again.

_Waves, waves, waves._

“Who’s there? Yuck! Are you throwing up?”

She didn’t see him yet, but she must have stood up because he heard a pair of boots stepping cautiously in his general direction. He kept his eyes bleakly focused on the dark water below, as if it could grant him some sort of invisibility.

Another voice interrupted his death-wish.

“Ho there! What are you doing, Miss?” One of the guards must have spotted Selena. The gruff voice came from somewhere in the distance.

“Me? I was – _Princess Camilla_ wanted me to check on the wyverns tonight! Is that a problem?”

Silence.

“…Right then. Sorry for, uh, interrupting.”

“Yeah well, I’m _done_ now. So.”

Finally, Subaki heard footsteps descending back below deck.

 

 

At first, Subaki thought the slight swaying of his hammock had woken him up, but then he processed the impatient banging at his door. The scent of salt and fish hit him just as another volley of knocks rang out.

He could here Hana on the other side, amidst the backdrop of shuffling boots and other clamour. “Subaki if you don’t answer me in _two seconds_ I’m busting open your door so _gods help me_ if you sleep in the nude…!”

“I’m up.” The sea air seemed to have dried out his throat sometime between him crawling back to his room and whatever time it was now.

“What is _wrong_ with you? _You?_ Sleeping in?” He lit the oil lamp as she continued to berate him. “We’re pulling into the harbour like, _now!_ So move it!”

With all the other clamour, he must have only imagined hearing her walk away. Even disoriented and exhausted, he was able to have himself ready and above deck with Tenba saddled before the last few stragglers of the army. He chastised himself at his almost-tardiness regardless. A disheartening pattern of misfortune was emerging.

He stood next to Hana and watched the approaching shore. He whispered so Sakura wouldn’t hear, “You’re not very nice.” He appraised the coolness of his voice. Perhaps he was subpar that morning, but no one else would be able to tell.

Hana whispered in return. “Oh yeah? Well at least I don’t _pretend_ to be nice. That’s the worst.”

Fortunately (or unfortunately), Subaki had no more time for introspection – there were three armies waiting for them in the crumbling harbour town, one of which was _invisible_. Just to keep things interesting.

The battle rejuvenated his psyche, if not his body. No, his body definitely needed a break. The return to the astral plane was welcome.

After helping everyone unpack and clean up, he did his usual evening rounds, ending by making sure Sakura did not require him for anything. She was not suited to war, and even he felt ready to collapse on his bed. He didn’t, of course, instead tucking himself in in a civilized manner.

It was weird how quickly his room in the strange, other dimensional castle had began to feel like home. And after the night at sea, if felt like heaven. It still couldn’t compare to his futon back in Hoshido, but he’d come to terms with the fact it may be months before he could return to that.

Running through his mental checklist and ensuring there were no duties or tasks unfulfilled, he allowed himself to drift off to sleep.

 

 

The atmosphere around camp was noticeably different starting the first morning back. Until then, it had been almost entirely Hoshidan citizens who’d joined Corrin. But the demographics had changed. Counting the wolfskin they picked up in the harbour town, there were four Nohrians, and many who were disquieted on the ship now had the opportunity to express their distaste in earnest. Oboro and Takumi, unsurprisingly, were quite open in their feelings, although Subaki wasn’t sure they knew how to hide their feelings in the first place. Rinkah was somehow surlier than ever. Even Hana, who was generally agreeable, mentioned casually during breakfast that they’d better all be sleeping with one eye open. Subaki had no particular love of Nohrians, but he had to point out that if they intended to kill them all, they had wasted two perfectly good opportunities. Both during the night on the ship and again when they had worked together in Cyrkensia to defeat their enemies.

While the others took the day to recuperate and complain, Subaki wasted no time getting back to his usual routine. There were few excuses for idleness, and he worried the negative aura surrounding the others was contagious. If the Hoshidans wanted to maintain the image of being morally superior to their neighbours, they were doing a piss-poor job.

After a long morning bath, his usual hair treatment routine, light breakfast and tea, 10km jog, jasmine-scented exfoliation cream, and practice at arms, he was feeling back to his marvelous self. Since Sakura was tied up in meetings, he decided to spend part of the afternoon engaging in his newest pastime. Duties were less formal at camp than they had been at Castle Shirasagi, which opened up opportunities for Subaki to excel at new things. Being brought up in a prominent family back home, farming was a foreign, alien task – and a worthy challenge.

Mozu had insisted when he first took up the task that the best farming happened when you got yourself dirty, but as Subaki left the cabbage patch that day, dusty and sweaty, he felt like a slob. He decided to master farming as quickly as possible and move on to other, cleaner, endeavours.

As he bent down to wipe away a chunk of mud that’d stuck itself to the top of his boot, he saw something sparkle in the corner of his eye. A ring? It was delicate thing, with a light pink crystal resting on a rose-gold band. He picked it up and examined it further, noting a few scuffs, as well as some beautiful vine-like engravings. Clearly this ring had seen a lot of wear. Someone must be missing it.

He hadn’t yet put it in his pocket for safekeeping when, further along the path, he saw a very distraught looking red-head, bumbling about in the tall grass near the ditch. A feeling of apprehension fell over him. He wasn’t avoiding Selena, per say, but he was decidedly not in a rush to speak with her again. As he got closer, he heard her talking to herself, clearly distressed.

“Where could it have gone? I know I dropped it somewhere around here…” She muttered something he couldn’t quite catch. “Oh gods, please let me find it.”

Hyper-aware of what was held delicately between his two fingers, it seemed fate wasn’t allowing him more than two days recovery. Fate was also kind enough to press the issue when he looked as though he’d just been splashing about in the mud. He forced himself forward.

Still distracted in her search, he had to pretend to clear his throat to get her to turn around, eyes still frantic. He held out the apparent treasure. “Hello there. Were you looking for this?”

Relief flooded her features as she took it, tenderly, from his fingers.

“Yes! Thank goodness! That’s my ring. What a relief.” The genuine smile stretched across her face disarmed him. He composed himself quickly.

“I’m glad I could assist you.”

Finally, a look of recognition and suspicion appeared as she wriggled the ring back on. It sat juxtaposed in it’s delicate beauty on her right ring finger.

“Your face looks familiar. Wait! Are you…”

“Yes?” He tried to ignore the flash of cold sweat that seemed to seep out of every pore. Maybe she _had_ seen him barfing into the sea?

“You’re Hoshido’s supposedly perfect superhuman, Subaki! I’ve always been curious to put your legendary skills to the test.”

Her flattering (and true) statements were so unexpected he felt disoriented. “…What are you talking about?”

“Back when I lived in Nohr, I heard many tall tales about your feats. People said that the Hoshidan army had a pegasus knight of considerable skill. That his every movement was the very picture of effortless grace. Oh, and they said he was a first-rate gentleman and handsome to boot. A real prodigy in every regard.”

He proceeded with caution, as the praise didn’t match her tone, and the dirt under his nails didn’t match her description. “Heh. Yes, I can say without hesitation that they were referring to me.”

Something close to disappointment revealed itself for an instant, but he blinked and it was gone, a clearly unimpressed and now familiar scowl in its place. “Did I mention that they also said you were arrogant beyond measure? How could a brash man like yourself ever tame a pegasus? Generally, they only allow the most pure-hearted maidens to ride them.”

Ignoring her cutting remarks, he asked, “Whatever do you mean?” In Hoshido, men and women alike could ride pegasi. They could be temperamental, sure, but not sexist. Nohr didn’t breed many pegasi, preferring wyverns for work and war, but he knew their species was the same. Where could she have been from, with pegasi like that? “You must be talking about the breed of pegasi from your country...? They’re likely considerably different from ours.”

“Really? Is that true?” Her curiosity had a bit less bite to it now.

“They’re similar, I’m sure. An honest mistake. But the pegasi of Hoshido and falicorns of Nohr don’t mind men. They’ll let anyone ride them. I’m surprised you didn’t know that. It should be written in any basic manual for new recruits.”

Hands immediately went to her hips, standoffish. “Well how would I know that? I just got here recently. Why are you acting all high and mighty over something so trivial?”

Got… _here?_

“I wasn’t acting ‘high and mighty’. I was simply stating a fact.” This would have been a perfect time to bring up her little rendezvous with Tenba the other night, but he didn’t.

Bristling, she raised her fists as if about to brawl. “Whatever. Fight me, Subaki! I know I can take you down.”

He was at a loss. Was it rude to accept? Or to refuse? Although he got the impression she was as temperamental as her hypothetical pegasi, he didn’t particularly enjoy the thought of hitting her. Oboro would seethe with jealousy if she ever found out he got such an invitation.

Thankfully, Selena was bluffing. Reading people’s feints in battle wasn’t all that different from reading people’s intentions day-to-day. He could play along, then.

He raised his own fists. They probably looked like quite a pair of buffoons; knee-deep in the bush with him covered in mud and her with burrs and grass attached to her clothing, posed to fight like restless adolescents.

“Fight you? Ha! Certainly, if you insist. I’m happy to tussle whenever you’re ready. We can fight right this minute if you want.”

Fists went limp then were lowered. “N-no. I don’t feel like it today. But trust me; I’ll settle the score someday!” She pointed a finger threateningly under his chin.

He did love a challenge, if it came to that. “Fine. I’ll be looking forward to our duel.” He turned and walked coolly away, feeling like he’d come out victorious.

“Wait, hold on a moment.”

“Yes?”

“Wait… Umm… I just wanted to say thank you. You know, for finding my ring. Until next time, Subaki!” Without a trace of grace, she stomped away in the opposite direction.

_What a strange girl._

Perhaps there were no winners this time.

 

 

After cleaning himself up, he continued with his routine. Training with Hana, afternoon meditation, kitchen duty, a light dinner, and finally a quiet book before bed.

Subaki found the castle in the astral plane unsettling. It was designed almost as a caricature of a castle; all the important castle parts were present, but seemed to lack the context of a functional structure. There was a moat and a drawbridge, although no enemies could enter the realm in the first place. There was a dungeon complete with cells but no prisoners. The castle was massive and multiple stories tall, but the majority of the space was unoccupied, with dozens of pointless and repetitive rooms scattered throughout. Most insulting of all perhaps, was although Corrin could build anything they pleased to their envisioned design, only the royals and their retainers were permitted inside the castle. Corrin didn’t seem like an arrogant individual, so the reasoning for this was beyond comprehension. And the pinnacle of these absurdities was that Corrin chose to live in a treehouse at the edge of camp. Often, Subaki felt his desire to impress whoever was in charge contradicted his general avoidance of people who seemed lacking in their logic or mental faculties.

The library, at least, was marvelous –almost ridiculously so. If he was honest with himself, he loved the idea of being “one who reads” more than the actual books themselves. Regardless, Subaki read books. When he opened the double doors that evening, Selena was one of the last people he expected to run into, yet there she was, standing on a short stool to reach the upper shelves.

She turned at the sound of the doors, pulling a book from the shelf as she did so.

“Subaki? Is that you…? I can’t recognize you without the mud.”

“I suppose I could make a joke about how I didn’t realize Nohrians could read, but thankfully _I’m_ not petty. Besides, such a comment would fall flat considering you aren’t actually from Nohr.”

Alarm flashed across her eyes. Subaki wasn’t expecting that.

“What do you mean? I never told you –I never said that!”

“Look, I don’t have the energy to recite our entire earlier conversation so –”

“Wait!” She stood in front of him, arms spread from shelf to shelf, blocking him from going down the isle. “You don’t actually think…?”

He was irritated now, and losing the ability to hide it. “Does it matter?”

Her face said it did.

“Nohr, Nestra, the _moon_ , I really don’t care –”

“You can’t tell anyone.”

He narrowed his eyes, suddenly suspicious.

“It’s nothing like that!” She lowered her arms, book still gripped tightly in her hand and glanced around, as if assessing if they were alone. They were. “I made a _mistake_ , alright? You gonna give me hell for it? Huh? Well go ahead then!”

His mental gears whirred. He highly doubted she was a spy. Besides, Nohr had always been their primary enemy. If she wasn’t from Nohr, where could she possibly be from that was _worse_? Was she an assassin, then? Beruka was almost certainly an assassin herself… would Camilla bother importing another from a foreign country? She certainly didn’t _look_ like an assassin. But perhaps that made her even deadlier?

He let the silence hang for a tense moment. He didn’t enjoy this unfair advantage he now had over her. Whatever she was, he hardly knew enough to bother sounding an alarm. Still, she had put him in an uncomfortable position. They had only been on the same side of the war for a little over two days, and although he considered himself less prejudiced than his companions, that was a far reach from trusting her. Truth be told, he couldn’t even say he _liked_ her.

As it stood, the information was useless, and not backed up by anything substantial. Perhaps if he kept running into her like this, he could see if there was anything worth investigating.

“Fine. Your secret’s safe with me.”

She let out a breath. “Ah. Fantastic. Thank you, Subaki.”

He was receiving an unusual amount of thanks today. “That easy? Aren’t you worried I’m lying?”

“Ha –I know your type. A morally upstanding citizen like yourself? If you say you won’t tell I know you won’t.”

“… You know, I can’t help but feel the playing field isn’t quite equal anymore.”

“Oho? So you admit, we’re competing then? This doesn’t change anything –I’ll beat you anyways, just watch!”

Subaki scoffed.

“Oh, I get it. You’ll test your skills against literally anything that moves so long as it’s not from _Nohr_ , is that it? I’m not blind –I notice how everyone seems to be avoiding us like we’re diseased.”

“Well, joke’s on us then, since you aren’t even from –”

“Shhhh!” In an instant she had closed the distance between them and had shoved her hand unceremoniously over his mouth. He waited until she removed it. For two uncomfortable seconds he tried to resist the tickling feeling in his throat… but then he allowed himself to chuckle.

“I’m morally upstanding, remember? I wouldn’t have actually –not that it matters, we’re the only two here.”

Understandably, Selena looked bemused. “Ok, ok, funny-guy Subaki. Ha ha. Just keep laughing at your own wit –giving me a heart attack!” When he managed to calm down, she continued. “So, what do you say to a reading challenge? I bet I can finish any of these books before you.”

He raised his brow. “You don’t strike me as a bookworm.”

“And you don’t strike me as a _coward_ , Subaki, yet here you are, making excuses! You worried you’ve finally met your match?”

He could literally feel himself being roped into something ridiculous, but really, what reason did he have to refuse? Petty challenges were his guilty pleasure, after all.

He reached up and grabbed a copy of the same book Selena had taken earlier. “Fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're reading this, WOW thank you! I know this isn't one of the more popular or talked about pairings, so with that I understand I'm mostly writing this self-indulgently. But if you like what you're seeing, please kudos or comment, and let me know I'm not alone as I think??
> 
> Aside from the fact I think this pairing has the most "canon" hinting compared to any of the other fates supports, I just love how many parallels these two have. I think there is a juicy, dysfunctional dynamic that was just begging to be written and explored. So here I am.


	2. Ready to Lose?

The novel was a disappointment. When Subaki read fiction, he preferred epics, grand tales of heroism or even the occasional mystery. What he held in his hand now was some sort of cliché romance story; a talented but naïve woman shunned from her one true love, who eventually manages to find happiness in other ways. Serendipity. Which also happened to be the title.

Thankfully it was an easy read. Not to be beaten, he stayed up a little later than usual – it was a competition after all – and started again during breakfast. Opting for general strength exercises instead of naginata practice that day freed up his hands and allowed him to multitask and finish the book before meeting up with Hana for training.

He excused himself early so that he would have time to find Selena and gloat properly before she finished the book herself.

“So soon?” Hana’s face lit up. “You tired? Not so legendary now, perhaps?”

“Nope! I just have an errand to run.”

“Hmph. Fine. But remember every moment you spend idling is an opportunity for me to get better!”

It was a typical comment from Hana, but it still sent a jolt of panic through him.

“No one likes the pot calling the kettle black, Hana.” He put his training sword away in the bin and picked up his book from the edge of the training grounds.

“Hey!” She shouted after him defensively, “I was up _just_ as early as you today!” She did work hard. “…I’m still Sakura’s favourite!”

The gardens, the castle, the shop, the stables… now that he was actually looking for her, he couldn’t find Selena anywhere. He even had the unfortunate experience of running into Prince Takumi. He had nothing against him of course, but apparently the Hoshidan prince was looking for a new book to read, and was quite interested in whatever captivated Subaki’s attention all morning. Him having his nose in the corny book did not go unnoticed it seemed, and it ended up being quite a challenge to escape Takumi without sharing the book.

He continued a little more self-consciously, before deciding the whole situation was no longer worth the effort. She would just have to believe him when he told her when he’d finished it. He continued with his schedule.

When he went to his favourite grassy hill for his meditations, he saw pigtails splayed out in the grass, book collapsed and open on Selena’s face. As he got closer it was clear she was deep asleep, An ant was crawling on her ear.

“There are better places to take a nap, you know.”

She reacted immediately and violently; the book was thrown in his general direction at the same time she sprung into a seated position. Shock aside, she looked very tired. The skin under her eyes was puffy and dark.

“Subaki! I wasn’t napping, I was reading. Hence the book.” Eyes moved to her hands, then around her vicinity. “Err…”

“I believe it landed somewhere over there.” He gestured vaguely behind him. “I don’t think the poor thing deserved that. Or perhaps it did…”

“It _is_ pretty bad…”

They remained in silent agreement for a moment. Then the moment passed.

“So I guess you couldn’t beat me after all.” She clearly had tried her best. He guessed she hadn’t slept at all that night, only running out of stamina near the end. Pacing, in this case, was her downfall.

“Hah! We’re not finished yet –not even close. Besides, who cares how fast someone can read anyways?”

Subaki felt like her comment robbed him somewhat of his victory.

“You were the one who chose reading.”

“We were in a library. What else was I supposed to come up with, with all those books just sitting there?”

He sat himself down next to her. He felt like skipping meditation today wouldn’t be in his best interest.

“So why do you come here, anyways? I figured you’d be back again today to just sit around.”

He was insulted that she thought he was simply idling.

“…Were you waiting for me?”

“No!”

He tried to get himself comfortable. “And just how did you know I’d come back?”

“Heh. It’s obvious, really. You were here yesterday.”

He opened his eyes again, annoyed. “What does that mean? I was a lot of places yesterday.”

“I’m just saying you’re a creature of habit. Am I wrong?”

It was actually strangely perceptive of her “I meditate. It helps me relax.”

“Hmm.” It was amazing how much skepticism was contained in that one sound.

“Would you like to try it with me?”

“Not really.” Still, she remained seated.

“You start by clearing your mind. Try not to think about anything. Sometimes it helps to try and listen for things. The wind moves the grass, and you can hear it. If there’s no wind, sometimes you can even hear the little creek in the distance.”

He wasn’t sure she was paying attention, but then she said, “All I can hear is Hinata smacking the practice dummies.”

Sure enough, animated sounds were coming from the training grounds. He smiled. “Not my first choice, admittedly.” After a few moments more, he continued. “Next, I concentrate on my breathing. Nice and slow, in and out. I try to think of something I need, and I breath that in. And when I exhale, I think of something I want to get rid of, and let it leave my body”

To her credit, Selena seemed to be going through the motions. He could hear her breathing deeply beside him. He found himself fixing on that instead of Hinata.

Then, “Stop breathing your negativity into my air.”

He took an extra big breath and exhaled loudly in her direction, pointedly ignoring her complaint.

She did a little snort of a laugh and then was quiet for the remainder of the session.

He was going to compliment her on her resolve during her first attempt, until he got up to go and realized she’d merely fallen asleep.

 

 

Free from any kitchen duties, Subaki decided to give Tenba some exercise. He left the astral plane and rode to a nearby town. He wanted to pick up a special contraption to try out tomorrow; his cabbages were in mediocre condition, at best. A weaker man would have blamed the weather, but Subaki was not such a man. So instead he opted for trying some of the special farming gear he’d seen the work horses and oxen use in other fields. What he was picking up in town would allow him to attach that gear to Tenba. Since he was giving himself a crash-course in agriculture he saw no reason to exclude his mount. He would deny it, but there was also a certain appeal to maintaining his cabbages without needing to tramp through the soil himself.

When he returned, overpriced iron adapter in hand, he ran into Mozu in the stables. She seemed perfectly at home doing stable-duty, shovel in hand. In fact, Subaki couldn’t recall ever hearing her complain about anything. Such an attitude was enough to put her in his favour very quickly despite her homely demeanor.

“Afternoon there!”

She jumped. “Subaki! Ah, there he is –I was worried we might have had a pegasus on the loose. Your stall’s all clean, mister.” She patted Tenba roughly on the nose as Subaki walked him past.

“Thank you, Mozu.”

“Say, how are your cabbages doing? The weather here is just so darn unnatural, I dunno what to make of it myself…”

Weather was another thing Subaki assumed Corrin had control over in this place. He noticed it only ever seemed to rain at night, although even that was a bit erratic. It was as if the person behind it would forget a few nights in a row then overcompensate by having pouring rain. He didn’t envy the responsibility.

“I must confess, they are merely okay. But I expect them to be on the upswing starting tomorrow.” We waved the adapter in his hand.

“I told you farming was a challenge!” She seemed delighted by his struggle. Perhaps he’d been too honest. “What’s that fancy doohickey? Never seen one of them before.”

“I want to try hooking Tenba up to some of the assistive devices tomorrow. If I can grow cabbages by hand, just imagine what I could grow with some extra help.”

“Oh dear… Subaki, what kind of person sold you something like that? A big ‘ole war horse can’t use farming contraptions, that sort of thing is for the ox and a team of sturdy plow-horses. Tenba’s poor frame wouldn’t be able to take it!”

Subaki felt a white hot rush of embarrassment, and a flash of anger both at his own ignorance and at the seedy looking shopkeeper who sold him the device. When he regained his faculties, all he managed to say was “Oh.”

They worked quietly after that, with Subaki silently licking his wounds. The stables were as big as the one at the royal castle back home, but this one was more empty than full. The ambitions for the army cavalry were clearly quite big.

He recalled the strange thing Selena had told him yesterday, and realized Mozu, who grew up in a farming village, might know more than any books in the library.

“I have a question.” He focused on his sweeping, trying to appear only mildly interested.

“For me? Gosh –I hope it’s about vegetables or livestock or I don’t know how much help I’ll be.”

Her humbleness was admirable, and somehow even more appreciated after his misstep.

“I suppose it’s sort of about livestock. Do you know of any other kinds of pegasi besides the ones that live in Hoshido and Nohr?”

To his surprise, she laughed. “Goodness, I know you were planning on settin’ him up with a harness but I’d hardly consider pegasi livestock! They’re horses for fancy folk. I can count the number of times on one hand I’d seen a pegasus before coming here.” She seemed to consider the question regardless. Subaki tried to hide his embarrassment (for a second time). He hadn’t considered that Mozu wouldn’t have been exposed to things that seemed commonplace for someone who’d grew up beside the royal castle. Thankfully she wasn’t one to take offence at such things, though he could only imagine how foolish this whole conversation had made him seem. It was easy to forget what a comparatively sheltered life he had.

“I can’t say I do. Sorry ‘bout that… Why do you ask?”

“Just curiosity. Someone mentioned a pegasi that was very particular about who rode it. No men! Imagine.”

Mozu laughed at this. “Well, animals do have quirks like that –they can be surprisingly particular! Growing up, we had this one cow…”

They ended up walking to the mess hall together, Subaki nearly losing his appetite in the process of learning more about udders than he had any desire to know.

 

 

That night, too sick of reading to consider picking another book from the library, he decided to go outside to the gardens, pen and parchment in hand. It wasn’t often one got the opportunity to map stars in a fresh sky. In his youth, he’d taken an interest in finding and tracing the stars in the skies, but obviously he never had the chance to try the reverse. Unlike most everything else, Corrin claimed to have not fabricated the night sky. This just brought more questions about the logistics of this strange dimension they currently resided in and frankly Subaki decided worrying about that was out of his scope.

So, seeing as this was a night someone had “forgotten” to turn on the rain, he thought he’d take a stab at it.

The gardens were beautiful during the day. At night, they gave him a different sentiment, but that was no fault of their own. It was the crickets; the sound seemed to take him back to a summer a decade ago, and his first position on the guard.

It was a graveyard shift, but he’d had to act grateful –no one had ever made it on to the guard before they were 16. He’d been assigned the inner circle –the group assigned within the perimeter of the outer wall of the castle. It was a relatively safe position. Yet Subaki hardly felt welcome, on his feet for hours and surrounded by people who didn’t think he deserved to be there. These older people were born with less opportunity and probably saw him as just some kid whose parents had influence –and perhaps they weren’t so far from the truth.

Those gardens he patrolled had been beautiful too.

The atmosphere, therefore, had a humbling effect. It wasn’t often Subaki felt humble, and as he began locating and drawing out the more prominent stars, he wondered if there were any benefits to such a feeling.

Hearing steps on the path, he turned and saw Sakura. It was unexpected, though not unwelcome. She was something else which managed to humble him. He hadn’t seen much of her since they’d joined Corrin’s army, especially compared to how she’d been part of his daily life back at Castle Shirasagi.

“Good evening, Lady Sakura.” He shifted on the stone bench, giving her room if she wished to sit. She took the offer.

“I’m surprised to see you about so late, Subaki, but I suppose I’m guilty of the same offence…”

“I don’t think you could offend, even if you tried. Just out for a walk?”

“Yes. I felt cooped up in the castle tonight… my brother is in one of his moods, so I thought I’d see if Corrin wanted company. But running into you instead is a nice coincidence!”

“If you’re ever in want of company, my door is always open. You’re always Hana and I’s first priority, here or in Hoshido.”

She seemed pleased by his comment, in her subtle way.

“What is that you’re working on?”

He’d momentarily forgotten about the half-folded sheet on his lap. It was so empty, it didn’t surprise him that it wasn’t recognizable.

“I’m trying to map the stars. They’re different than the ones back home. I thought it would be an interesting exercise.”

“Oh! You know, I don’t think I’ve noticed that before.” She turned her gaze upwards. “But you’re right, they’re definitely unfamiliar.”

“Exactly.” He felt like he’d gained approval.

Still looking upwards, she spoke, “One of my earliest memories is me with my siblings looking at the stars. Corrin was there too. They kept making up fake constellations –Takumi and I believed every single one. It wasn’t until we were much older, embarrassingly so, that we learned there was no real constellation for ‘giant yam’. Yet I can still point it out clearly in the sky back home…”

It was easy to forget Sakura’s emotional attachment to Corrin. He’d become her retainer relatively recently, much after Corrin had been taken, and the topic was not breached easily. He had no siblings of his own – considering his parents’ age, he’d always been under the assumption they had him almost as an afterthought (or perhaps a mistake?). With both of them gone, he was left with no true family, but it wasn’t hard to imagine Sakura as something like a younger sister,

“Well, let me know if you find any other giant yams in this sky. I’ll add them to my map.”

Her laughter seemed unusually loud in the quiet garden. “But Subaki, you’re always working so hard… do you find this sort of thing fun?”

This question made him uncomfortable, especially coming from her. It was different when such japes came from Oboro or Hinata. All of Hoshido’s retainers worked hard, but it didn’t escape notice that he seemed the most reluctant to wind down. Generally, he took pride in such comments, but Sakura was making it sound like a bad thing.

“It’s something to do. Something to accomplish. I take pleasure in feeling accomplished, so I suppose in that sense I do find this fun.” Sakura deserved an honest answer. This was as genuine as he could make it.

Her look of concern didn’t go away.

“Have you considered…” She paused, then started again. “Have you considered how much things have changed since the war started?” This quickly darkened the mood.

“Changed? Of course.” All the more reason to work hard.

“You misunderstand, Subaki. People _die_. You could die. Doesn’t it make you reconsider all sorts of things you’ve never thought about before?”

“I’ll admit, I’m not sure what you’re trying to say.”

“We’re probably going to have to fight again soon… we need to take a ferry to Notre Sagesse and… Subaki, tomorrow I want you to do something fun, okay?”

“Lady Sakura, you don’t need to worry about –”

“Consider it an order.” She sighed, as if the very words exhausted her.

They sat there in silence after that, and Subaki again became aware of the sounds of the crickets. He wondered if he should apologize, although he wasn’t sure exactly what he did.

Eventually she went back to the castle, leaving him with the crickets.

 

 

Subaki thought he’d take Mozu’s advice and try using the pair of work oxen to help him with his farming that day. Tenba had a strangely human sense of indignation when he caught sight of his handler trying to persuade the dumb, stinky animals towards the field. It was only matched by Subaki’s own displeasure, compounded by the animals’ reluctance to do anything besides blink at flies and make unattractive sounds. In the end, Subaki ran out of patience for the animals, and ended up grabbing the push-aerator from the shed. He had the pleasure of watching the pair of oxen munch lazily on the green grass next to his plot every time he passed by, getting bits of dirt in his boots and being pestered by insects buzzing near his face.

 

 

That evening, he went to the rec hall. To call it that was far too generous; it was a closed off room attached to the mess hall that was left open even when the rest of the building was closed. There were games here; boards and little wooden pieces, cards, darts, and some large intimidating table looking thing that was apparently for a Nohrian game called “billiards”.

He heard a collective groan as he shut the door behind him. He leaned his umbrella against the wall.

“Subaki?”

“Say goodbye to your winning streak, Rinkah.”

Rinkah, Oboro, Hana, Hinata and Kaze were all gathered around one table in the corner. Cards and money was spread out on the table. Rinkah appeared to be winning.

“Having fun without me?”

“Guys? I don’t think I have enough money left to play with Subaki…” Hinata’s voice cracked as he appeared to dig through his pockets.

The door opened and Selena walked in, although she hardly gave the group a glance, seeming to walk purposefully to the games cabinet.

“Subaki playing poker is like a really rare but really devastating thing… like a… like a…” Oboro seemed to struggle with a word as Subaki pulled up a chair.

“A tsunami?” Kaze offered, shifting to make space at the table to his right.

Hana scoffed, but Oboro smacked her fist on the table. “Yes! A tsunami. Subaki, you’re like a card tsunami.”

“Oh _please_.”

All heads turned to the back of the room, where Selena stood with one hand on her hip and another holding a game box.

“If you start comparing him to natural disasters, his ego’s going to get so big he’ll explode.”

The air became uncomfortable, the line between joke and insult unclear.

Hinata didn’t seem to catch onto the social undercurrents. “Well, I guess if he exploded he wouldn’t be able to win all our money at least…?”

Some light titters.

“Besides, cards aren’t even skill. That’s just luck. Everyone knows that. _Pool_ on the other hand…” Selena stepped forward and rubbed the edge of the strange felted table. “That’s a game for people with _skill_.”

Oboro crossed her arms. “Go on…”

He felt his scalp began to tingle. He’d never even played pool! There’s no way they were going to expect him to…

Selena shrugged dismissively. “All I’m saying is Subaki isn’t any tsunami, he’s just a regular guy who I’m sure would lose at pool.”

_That bitch!_

“Ooooooo,” Hinata chimed in, childishly and unhelpfully.

“Those are fighting words, Subaki! You gonna take that?” Hana egged him on.

“Come on, I’ve never even played –”

“See? He spits out excuses like a coward.”

“OH, kick her _ass_ , Subaki!” Oboro had stood up, leaning herself across the table like an angry dog pulling at its leash.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. He’d been allowed to choose their next challenge, and he’d chosen _sword fighting_ –

“For Hoshido’s honour.” Rinkah, who had been quiet until now placed her hand heavily on his shoulder.

Subaki lived his life to avoid failure. He put a lot of effort into not failing at anything, whether that be through extensive practice or, in rare cases, by avoidance. This had turned into a situation he could not avoid, and obviously something he hadn’t had the opportunity to practice. Half the army was going to see him lose!

He stood up. “Very well. The rules?” He ignored the hushed, collective sigh of relief as he left the poker table.

The rules were simple enough but as she’d mentioned initially, to win certainly required skill or practice.

“So, you ready to lose?”

He grabbed one of the wooden sticks and imitated her by rubbing a cube of chalk onto the tip. He’d learned over the years there was no sufficient answer to that baited question.

Selena offered to break. After lining up the (surprisingly heavy) balls within the triangle-shaped barrier, she lined up her shot. He paid careful attention to as many things as he could in those few seconds; the posture of her body, the position of her hand, how it rested on the table, how she moved the cue with her other arm…

Clack!

The sound was alarming. The heads over at the poker table, until then distracted in their game, looked up momentarily. The balls scattered and hit each other, eventually spreading themselves out in a seemingly random pattern. A red striped ball teetered on the edge of one of the corner holes before calmly falling in.

Selena took a careful look from more angles than Subaki thought entirely necessary before saying, “So I’m stripes, and it sucks to be you, buddy!”

He wiped his sweaty palms discreetly on his pants. He thought the solids layout looked better, but he was clearly a bad judge.

She went again, giving him another opportunity to analyze her form. No balls fell in this time.

He walked around to the other side of the get behind the white ball, and took aim at one of his own which looked to be lined up properly. He tried to seem casual as he tried to position himself properly.

“So when do Nohrians play this? It seems rather excessive to have sitting in the house.” He practiced sliding the cue over his hand, then decided to adjust his positioning a little bit.

“At bars, mostly. Not many people bother to have one of these things sitting around in the living room. Obviously.”

Smack.

He let out a sigh of relief as his he felt the tip of his cue make contact. The ball didn’t go exactly where he wanted it to, but at least he didn’t embarrass himself.

“Hey, not bad! For a beginner. You’re already better than Beruka –she digs absolute _holes_ into the felt. She uses her cue like a goddamn weapon!”

“I bet she does, too.”

They continued this back and forth, taking turns hitting the white ball and sending a chain of satisfying clacking sounds in their wake. Her surprising cordiality dissipated slightly as Subaki got the hang of the game. She was still in the lead, but only ever by one ball.

And then the 8 ball fell in on her turn.

Just like that, he won the game. He felt elated, avoiding embarrassment, yet somehow the victory felt almost cheated. He didn’t win because he was _good_ , but because she’d made a crucial mistake.

He turned to her, a real smile finally on his face. She looked like she was about to say something. He figured he’d fill in the silence.

“Beginners luck?”

“Hmmph. Yeah.” Then she sighed. “Okay, no. Cards have luck. This requires some talent. I messed up. You won fair and square.”

“I had a good time.” It was almost the truth. He could see how this could be taken as a casual game.

“But don’t let it get to your head! I’m no master. Beat Lady Camilla, then you can boast.”

From across the room, Hinata shouted, “Subaki won?? Subaki won you guys!”

Mixed sounds erupted from the table. There were exchanges of coin.

He offered to take Selena’s pool cue with an open hand. She handed it over, somewhat reluctantly. He placed both in the holder on the wall. He noticed again the box Selena had originally taken from the cupboard.

“Did you need to be anywhere with this?” He prodded the box on the ground with his boot.”

“Oh shit! She’s gonna kill me.” In an instant Selena was scooping the box up into her arms and rushing towards the door. After she opened it, Subaki heard a few seconds of the regular pattering of raindrops outside before it closed behind her. The warm air inside had caused the windows to fog, so he hadn’t noticed when the rain had started. He had a feeling Selena hadn’t either. He had a decision to make. After a curt wave to his companions in the corner, he picked up his umbrella and joined Selena outside.

They were both standing on the little wooden porch, protected from the rain by a little awning. The rich, earthy smell of wet soil filled his lungs.

“Forget your umbrella?” The rain was coming down rather hard; clearly Corrin was making up for a few days drought.

“Look, I don’t know how _you_ predict the weather –it was clear when I left the castle.”

“It’s Corrin. They control the weather here. They have it rain every night… well, every night they remember.”

“Well, that’s messed up. Anyways, see ya.” Shoulders hunched, she headed out into the rain.

“Huh? Wait, wait!” He opened up his umbrella and followed after her. “Why don’t we share? I don’t mind.”

She blinked, almost incredulously, water dripping down her face, before looking away and continuing her brisk pace.

“I don’t want to share your dumb umbrella.”

She was aggravatingly difficult.

“Hey, slow down!” He felt himself splashing through puddles as he caught up with her. “Here then, you can take it. I don’t mind.” He reached out, offering her the umbrella and exposing his head to the rain in the process.

“Huh? What’s your deal? Use your own damn umbrella!” Ignoring him a second time, she continued on, faster this time. This bothered him.

“Fine!” He called out after her, still with his arm outstretched. “I guess we’ll both get wet then!”

She turned around, walking backwards. Her hair was almost completely drenched. “You wouldn’t!”

“Watch me!” He felt his bangs begin to stick to his forehead.

“Fine! See if I care.” He could barely hear her, after she’d turned around, the pattering of the rain becoming prominent.

He followed her like that, umbrella stubbornly outstretched in front of him. She kept checking behind her to see if he really was allowing himself to get wet. He was. He didn’t try to rationalize his decision. He doubted he could. He would put this on his reflection agenda for the evening.

By the time they both made it into the castle door, they were drenched and dripping, making impressive puddles in the entranceway.

“What is your problem?”

“ _My_ problem?” His voice shook slightly with a light shiver. The night wasn’t particularly cold but his wet clothes mixed with the stale castle air created a chill. “I was trying to be nice!”

“No, you were trying to force me to accept your niceness! Which is… well, not very nice!”

“You know what else isn’t very nice? Trapping me into playing a game I was completely outmatched at. You knew there was no way I had a fair chance at that!” He felt defeated at even mentioning the fact.

Selena was straining out her hair, twisting it in her hands, steady drops of water falling from the tips. She seemed reluctant to respond, but eventually Subaki’s steady gaze must have gotten to her. “It’s called a _game_ Subaki. You could have just said no. And if you must know, I thought I’d help out Kaze by preventing you from joining the poker table. They made you sound ruthless. I can believe it.”

He blinked. “Kaze?”

“Yeah, Kaze! Wanna fight about it? He’s one of the few people to have been nice to me around here –I thought I’d discreetly return the favour.”

“So, what, you let Kaze be nice to you, but you run away from my umbrella as if it’s cursed?”

She seemed momentarily stumped. “Well… you’re different!”

“I’m flattered,” he replied mockingly.

“Don’t be! You’re not nice because you _mean_ it.”

He didn’t understand –another thing for the reflection agenda, then.

“Goodnight, Subaki!” Selena said in a tone which implied she was doing anything but wishing him a delightful evening.

“Goodnight Selena. Sweet dreams!” He replied similarly, with a clenched jaw, watching her head down the hall. His room was in the same direction, but he stayed by the entranceway until he could no longer hear her footsteps echoing against the stone walls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking around! I usually try to not have more than 3 weeks between updates, but things are getting a little hectic IRL... next update should (hopefully) be up in the second half of March. I'll see you then! In the meantime I still appreciate all the kudos and comments! :3
> 
> (btw please feel free to keep me company over on twitter @chrrybubblegum. I'm always looking for new friends over there!)


	3. Hold the Poison

Subaki glared at the offered box of tissues like it was personally responsible for his predicament. Sakura waited a moment longer with her arm outstretched, before she sighed and simply placed the box on the bedside table.

“No, Subaki.”

“It’s just a minor cold!” He hated how his stuffed nose made his words sound like he was _whining_. It was a rare act of defiance from him; arguing against one of Sakura’s orders.

“We have enough people in the army now that we’ll be fine without you there. Besides, who’s to say a minor cold wouldn’t be the straw to break the camel’s back? No Subaki, I want you to stay here and rest.”

It was foolish to continue arguing, although the desire to arm himself with everyone else burned in his chest as much as his phlegm.

He allowed himself to fall back against his pillows.

“Be safe.” Had he the authority, he might offer the counterpoint that perhaps his absenteeism would be the tipping point in her own demise. But even he could see the egotism in that idea.

“Of course. Take a break, and don’t spend too much time worrying about the rest of us.”

This was a herculean request but he allowed himself to smile as she stepped out of his room, closing the door as she left. He tried not to be envious of the busy sounds coming from the hallway outside his chambers. The army was preparing to leave and continue to Notre Saggesse. It had been ordered on short notice, and his cold appeared with equally short notice that same morning.

Only when the sounds quieted down to an eerie silence did he allow himself to fall in and out of an uneasy sleep. Not for the first time, he woke up to an itchy throat and allowed himself to cough in earnest, knowing no one was around to take note of his current frailty.

“So, the superhuman gets sick after all.”

At first he thought he must have imagined the sound on the other side of his door, and for a horrifying second he wondered why his delusional subconscious was using Selena’s voice. But then a very real knock was heard at the door. With a dull horror he realized he was not looking his best. He quickly tied his hair up as he slipped on his slippers and robe and went to answer the door.

He opened the door to Selena wrapped up in a thick down comforter. With delayed realization he noted she, too, was sick. (Obviously, why else would she still be here?) For all her talk, she looked much like he felt; her hair was in disarray, her skin somehow too pale in some places and too red in others, a clear dribble of snot threatening to escape one of her nostrils. If there was any doubt as to how he managed to come down with a cold so quickly, it dissipated.

“Infrequently and only when tricked into running about in the rain.” His witty remark was dampened somewhat by his congested tone. “Why are you here?”

With some apparent awkwardness, she began, “Look, I’m sorry you couldn’t go with everyone to Notre Saggesse. I’m not saying it was my _fault_ , because it _wasn’t_ , but I’m sympathetic of the fact you’re stuck here instead of out there protecting Sakura.”

Her discomfort told him this was intended to be genuine. “Oh. Well, thanks. Aren’t you also upset you’re stuck here?”

Selena shrugged. “Lady Camilla can take care of herself for a few days. She’s a tough woman. Tougher than me –but don’t tell anyone or I’ll lose my job.” She shifted her blanket, hugging it closer to her shoulders. “What about Sakura?”

Since she was being civil, he fought the urge to correct her with _Lady_ Sakura. “She’s tough in her own way. People love her –there will be no shortage of watchful eyes, even without me there.”

“Must be nice.” When Subaki responded with a look of confusion, she added, “to be so well liked.”

“Hmm. I didn’t think you were the kind of person to want the fondness of others.”

She wrinkled her nose, as if insulted, but then it passed and she shrugged, her blanket slipping slightly in the process. “It’s on the bucket list.”

“If you’re looking for an acceptable substitute, admiration is a good contender.”

She scoffed, his advice clearly unwanted. “Gods, you’re so annoying. Do you hear yourself?”

The nuances of this unusual interaction were foggy in his congested head. Standing seemed to be helping his lungs feel a little less soggy though. He figured it wouldn’t hurt to leave his room for a little bit, since he was up already.

“Would you like to join me in the kitchen?” He gestured vaguely in the direction of the small kitchen within the castle. The larger one was connected to the mess hall, but he didn’t feel it necessary to walk about outside. Selena wasn’t his first choice of companion, but if nothing else she was interesting. Her companionship, if you could call it that, would at least help him keep his mind off the battle he wasn’t part of.

“Oh? I _guess_. It’s not like I have anything better to do.”

He didn’t bother to lock his door as he left, as the silence in the castle was more than enough to reassure him no one else was around. His slippers made soft slaps against the stone floor, accompanying the sound of Selena’s blanket dragging behind her. The castle still wasn’t to his tastes, although he wondered if his upbringing had introduced his bias. In the storybooks he’d read when he was younger, the villains always lived in castles like these, but then again the villains of said stories were often typecast as Nohrian, and this castle was Nohrian-inspired.

“How do you find the castle?”

“Like literally every other castle I’ve ever been in. Except Krakenburg – _that one_ makes this one look like a tropical resort. Growing up, castles were only ever good for hide-and-seek and sneaking into the kitchens. Coincidentally, like we’re doing now.”

“Did they keep the man-hating pegasi within the castle walls, or outside them?”

“With –hey! Stop that.”

The kitchen was unlit by any windows, being in the basement, but it was remarkably clean. Felicia made a point of cleaning up her messes. It was politely decided early on that the army could not subsist on her… unusual food for the entirety of the war, which is why a rotating kitchen duty in the main mess hall was proposed. This kitchen was more or less for small snacks and tea.

“Craving some chicken noodle soup?” Selena sat herself at the large table near the entrance. Like the rest of the kitchen’s cupboards and drawers, it was made of heavy looking wood, dark with knots and heavy iron bolts. It reminded Subaki of a picnic table, as the seats on either side of the long table were benches rather than chairs.

As he looked around, Subaki found copper pots and pans hidden behind latched doors and hanging beside an immaculate though oddly sinister looking oven. A metal latch kept the brick enclave closed, scorch-marks evident around the rim.

After a bit more inspection, Subaki finally found what he was looking for. A huge iron cauldron hung over a fireplace –clearly suitable for cooking a large meal for many. “Not quite. Do you mind digging around for some matches?”

He heard some grumbling and shuffling through drawers as he took a few moments to consider his plan of attack. The cauldron hung from a thick metal handle that curved from one end of the brim to the other, keeping the bottom of the pot about three feet from the hearth. The latch it hung from was unremarkable other than it looked as though it could be adjusted to be moved higher or lower.

He braced himself and hoisted the heavy metal contraption off of its rung. He swore. He had a moment to acknowledge his surprising weakness and to say goodbye to his toes before the weight was partially reduced.

“Gods!” Selena’s voice was muffled, a matchbox clamped between her lips. Together they managed to settle the cauldron with a heavy thump onto the stone floor.

Disaster averted, Selena slapped her matches onto the counter. Her blanket had been hastily discarded on the floor a few feet away. Her sleepwear consisted of a large baggy shirt and long flannel pants, a comparatively casual contrast to his silken robe and sheepskin slippers. “ _’Find some matches, Selena!_ ’ Would it have killed you to ask for help lifting that? Can you imagine me explaining to the returning army how you died being crushed by cookware??”

“Noted.” He still wasn’t quite able to figure out if she was trying to be helpful or make fun of him. Regardless, he found she somehow nullified his embarrassment. He put a smaller pot in place of the larger one. “So, back in _Not-Nohr_ , did your mom used to make chicken noodle soup when you were sick?”

“Weak. Not even giving you points for the attempt.” Selena, with some difficulty, hoisted herself onto the counter. After his comment about the castles, she seemed to be on her guard.

Subaki shrugged and began looking through the cupboards for ingredients. Selena watched him rummage from her vantage point, now seemingly content with allowing him to do the work alone.

“What about you then, huh?”

“I rarely ever got sick. I still don’t, as I mentioned before. This is a bit of an anomal—”

“No, your parents!”

Subaki realized he brought this line of question upon himself. “My parents are both dead.” When he raised his gaze to evaluate her response, she seemed so instantly affected by his statement, he felt compelled to soften the blow. “They were old –nothing particularly tragic. Well, my mom succumbed to some sort of disease of the mind near the end, didn’t quite know who I was by the time she passed. No hard feelings, either way.”

After a brief recovery (and some coughing), Selena said, “And to think, you had the perfect opportunity to make me feel awful for asking. I didn’t think that was the sort of thing people ‘got over’. Unless… Err, how old _are_ you?”

He realized the fact his parents passed from age could be a bit misleading regarding his own. “Timeless and eternal.” Her glare deflated his mirth. “By which I mean 25. My parents clearly weren’t very good with family planning.”

By now he had a sack of rice, some green onions, salt, and some eggs laid out on the counter. He was only missing the meat, but he figured he could find something suitable as it was cooking.

“Do you resent them for it?”

“For having me so late in their lives?”

“For leaving you alone.”

Subaki hadn’t considered it in that way before. Their deaths, 2 and 3 years ago, did not bring up any pain. He’d finished his mourning. Their emotional distance probably helped, in the end. “I think they set me up quite well in life. They pushed me hard, but I think they left at a time I no longer needed them.” He realized he had for many years now attributed his successes due to his own skill and hard work, but even with a quick reassessment it was apparent their coaching, if not their positions, helped foster his achievements.

There was a lull in conversation, leaving Selena looking uncharacteristically introspective. He wished he could ask about her own family situation, although at this point it would likely be taken as manipulative probing and would be unappreciated.

Eventually, she gestured to the ingredients spread beside her. “So, not soup huh? Don’t they have soup in Hoshido?”

He took the matches from the counter and got to work with the kindling already set about in the fireplace. He waited until he had a small and growing fire before answering. “Yes, we do. But when we’re sick, we have something called _okayu_. It’s sort of like a salty porridge made from watered down rice. Would you like me to make enough for the both of us?”

She eyed him suspiciously. “… Sure. So long as it doesn’t have fish. You guys have a weird habit of putting fish into foods fish has no right to be in. And no poison, either, for that matter. You’re being awfully nice to the person who got you sick in the first place. It’s suspicious.”

_Okayu for two, hold the poison._

“First of all, I’m always nice –I thought we went over this already? And secondly, didn’t you say me being sick _wasn’t_ your fault?” Feeling generous, he didn’t leave her time to come up with a response. Gesturing to an empty metal pail, he asked, “since you were so eager to help, could you pump some water?”

Thankfully, the preparation was minimal, and it wasn’t long before they were both seated at the table, waiting for the rice to soften in the pot over the fire. It was a good thing they were both ill, since between the two of them they had sneezed and coughed enough during the preparation to get the whole army sick.

Subaki was fairly sure they could have left the pot bubbling unsupervised but clearly they were both enjoying the warmth from the fire and were content to idle about in the kitchen. Selena was wrapped up in her blanket again.

Eventually, a question bubbled up to his consciousness. Their conversation left many, but this one was comparatively unobtrusive. “… So how old are _you_?”

A sardonic chuckle. “What if I said I’ve technically been born twice, but neither of those times have actually happened yet?”

“As in… the future?” Selena only smirked. “I’d say your illness is getting worse and it’s time you went back to bed.”

 

 

Their three days of recovery were mostly uneventful. Selena’s boredom did no favours for Subaki, as she revealed herself to be a particular brand of high-maintenance. Despite her overt prickliness, she craved attention in a way that seemed contradictory to her social attitudes. He wasn’t sure if her attentions, wanted _and_ given, were specially given to him or if he was simply the only person around. Fortunately, Subaki found a trove of sudoku puzzles which adequately captured her attention for a time (until it was inevitably turned into a competition, which he won, after which she deemed the Hoshidan puzzles juvenile and not worth her time).

When they weren’t in their rooms sleeping, or somewhere sneezing, or logically eliminating numbers from 1 to 9, they managed to engage in mostly civil conversation. Although he certainly made more attempts, he was not able to get her to reveal much about her past. She alluded to having many friends growing up, many of whom apparently looked to her for _direction and wisdom_ , although he suspected these claims to be somewhat exaggerated. Having nothing to hide himself, he had been more than happy to elucidate on his many impressive feats. She seemed remarkably unimpressed, pointedly so, and seemed to enjoy the stories he generally advertised much less.

“So you’re saying the first time you spoke with Sakura, you fell off your pegasus? Like, right onto your ass?”

The conversation had been had in the neutral, early evening lighting coming through the library windows. He hated how everyone got a kick out of this story in particular, but Selena’s approval was so hard to achieve he found himself telling the story unprompted. “I vaguely recall falling onto my face, actually, if you must know.”

“And she still hired you?”

“Clearly she has a talent for spotting the ability in others, even on their off days.”

There had been a peaceful silence then, before Selena ruined it. “So. Your princess. Is there something else going on here? Some _forbidden affections_ , perhaps?” She said this as if reading from the back of a bad romance novel.  “You seem to hold her in awfully high regard.” Her tone was clearly joking and yet he found himself baited regardless.

“No! Nothing like that.” Hana, many months ago, had brought up a similar line of questioning. His partner was fiercely protective of their Princess –he wondered what would happen if Sakura ever did begin looking for a partner.

“Ever?”

She was tempting him to participate in lowly gossip. An empty temptation, which he found himself entertaining. “I considered such feelings, once upon a time. If you must know. I dismissed them, obviously. I consider myself her protector, something which is easier done without such feelings. I suppose something more like a family member…?” He felt foolish for oversharing. He hadn’t thought he had anything to be overshared, and yet she’d managed to have him tell humiliating stories, and to examine old, boyish infatuations. To recover himself, he’d asked her quickly in response, “What about Camilla, then? _Forbidden affections_? Do you have a thing for powerful women?”

Despite clearly (he’d thought) presenting it as a joke, she seemed to carefully consider her response.

“Not quite.” Her tone was surprisingly serious. “If you get to know her, you learn she can be very… motherly. And so, more than anything else, I want to impress her.”

He wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting, although he was fairly sure it wasn’t that. “For the record, you called me annoying when I mentioned wanting the admiration of others.”

“It’s because you’re just so… obvious about it! You have no subtlety.”

Subaki had been literally speechless. How many times must this woman make him evaluate the way others viewed him?

“You know what? _You’re_ annoying.”

“I’m a delight.”

 

 

On the first day Subaki was feeling back to his normal self, the entire army (plus some new recruits) were back and bustling about the realm. The atmosphere was tense, and Subaki was feeling strangely left out. He was thankful when Hana came into his room later that morning and debriefed him. Apparently, things were picking up pace, and it was very possible everyone would be deployed again as early as the next day.

“So it’s a good thing you and Selena have been resting up, because you’re definitely going to be on the next outing. We need as many fresh people as possible.”

“Oh right! Selena –is something telling her what’s happened? Is Princess Camilla okay?”

Hana wrinkled her nose at his line of questioning. “How should I know? And I mean yeah, she didn’t _die_. No one died.”

He was reminded again that the Nohrian Princess was still not in good standing with the Hoshidans in the army. Perhaps Selena and the other Nohrians were (still) in similar standing. He decided it was best to not press the issue. “Does Sakura want to speak with me?”

“She didn’t mention anything specifically.” Hana sounded almost sorry, as if catching his hidden sentiment that things were feeling much different compared to when they were just her retainers back at Castle Shirasagi. “It wouldn’t hurt to talk to her anyways, though,” she reassured him, “if you can catch her between meetings.”

After saying polite hellos to the new recruits (the youngest Nohrian Princess, strangely left out of the planning meetings at the castle; her retainers; a naïve looking Nohrian knight named Silas; an older outlaw; and a young Nohrian mage with an impressive head of hair and demeanour) he forced himself to try to adhere to what was left of his schedule.

When he got to his grassy hill, in time for meditation, he was surprised to see Selena already there.

“What are you doing here?”

Without even opening her eyes, Selena muttered, “Subaki, I’m like tits-deep in some real calming energy right now. Don’t you dare bring me out of it.”

Feeling oddly like a chastened child, he quietly took his own spot a few feet away, although his mind was too all over the place to really get in “the zone”. He blamed the energy of the camp –everyone seemed agitated, on edge, and tired. He had been feeling the opposite that morning, but he could tell he was succumbing to the surrounding attitudes.

He heard Selena shift; seemingly she’d climbed out of her pool of zen, and was nice enough to not interrupt his –although it was non-existent.

He pretended for a short while, then sighed and opened his eyes. She’d been watching him, apparently, and jumped, clearly not expecting him to be out of it so quickly. “Not in the zone today? Performance anxiety?”

“Guess so. Are you caught up with everything?” He wondered if Beruka perhaps gave her a talk much like Hana had for him. It was hard to imagine the quiet woman saying more than two consecutive sentences.

“Damn straight. You ready to go tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow? I thought that was only a possibility?”

She flapped her hand. “Nah, Camilla told me. It’s tomorrow for sure.”

“But I heard from Hana—”

“—Wrong.”

He let it drop.

Selena let out an exaggerated sigh. “It’s too bad… I was going to beat you at swordfighting today. Guess we better save up our energy for real fighting, though…”

“With everyone as exhausted as they are, we’d look pretty inconsiderate if we broke a sweat on the practice grounds. Rain-check on that, I guess.”

“Speaking of rain your cabbages are dead. Like, beyond dead. You could feed them to the dead. And then they’d probably revive then re-kill whatever dead thing you just fed them to.”

Subaki was flustered, realizing he’d completely forgotten to take care of them over the three days he’d been sick (and obviously there’d been no rain, with Corrin gone). “You –why are you checking on my cabbages?” Upset and embarrassed he stood up and quickly left the hill, leaving Selena sitting there alone.

 

 

Subaki circled above as Selena obliterated another enemy down below. He blinked away sweat dripping into his eyes; the heat from the lava rivers seemed to rise, distracting him even in the middle of battle. Seeing two enemies heading towards his ally, he descended again.

“To our right in 3… 2...”

She didn’t even let them crest the small hill before she went at them on the offensive. He was both irritated with her lack of tact and in awe of her ability. She fought like someone who’d been in many battles –a war, even, not as a sheltered retainer of Nohrian royalty. She probably didn’t need his assistance, but he finished off a well-armoured Norhian foot-soldier anyway.

“Is that all?” It was becoming clear she was finally tiring, out of breath and with beads of sweat on her temples to match his own.

“I didn’t see anyone else nearby. Let’s regroup with the main force.”

She mounted Tenba, gripping Subaki’s waist with her free arm as if it were nothing. It took many people quite a while to become accustomed to riding a pegasus, but from the moment the battle started, she’d taken the whole thing in stride, acting almost as a handy extension of his own fighting form. Even Hana, who Subaki was frequently paired with, did not ride and fight so comfortably. He was reminded again of her encounter with Tenba on the ship –he still hadn’t found the opportune moment to bring that up, although he now had multiple clues that she was not a stranger to the creatures.

Pairing up with Selena had not been his choice, but Corrin seemed to be playing with the strategy of having people in cohesive pairs. Perhaps because they were both absent from the last battle, they had been assigned to each other for this one. Although he would have preferred a position closer to Sakura, he and Selena were making a pretty efficient offensive team.

“You’re amazing.” The words tumbled out. He realized genuine praise felt foreign on his tongue.

He could literally feel her bristle. “Huh??”

“At fighting. With a sword. I had no idea.” This wasn’t quite true; he’d seen her in two battles before, one as an enemy and the other as an ally, but never up close.

“Is now really the time for flattery? You can tell me more when I beat you later.”

When they caught up with the rest of the army, after having taken out straggling enemies they spotted along the way, they had already routed the main force and their leader –an ugly brute of a Nohrian man. Sakura and the Nohrian Princess were just beginning to make their rounds and heal everyone when a new force appeared in the distance. Thunder clapped ominously.

“Iago…” Selena whispered in his ear, although he didn’t feel like it was said for his benefit. It looked like they wouldn’t have time to be rejuvenated by any healing magic after all. His own Prince, Ryoma, and Corrin were already giving the order to continue forward towards their new enemies.

The new battlefield was thankfully cooler, although the lava had been replaced by frequent, rainless thunder and lightning which put Tenba on edge. Not to mention the fact it made flying significantly more hazardous. Seeing some pockets of movement below they could lend their services to, he told Selena they would be doing the rest of the fighting on the ground.

“Wait –Subaki, _wait_.” Her grip on his waist tightened as she leaned forward, looking somewhere in the distance ahead. He followed her gaze. There were four figures, barely visible, at the edge of the treeline. Perhaps the only reason he could notice them at all was because one appeared to be dressed from head to toe in bright yellow.

“Do you know them?” He had to raise his voice to be heard over a rumble of thunder. He realized then that he no longer distrusted Selena –if she said they were allies he would believe her.

“Yes! _Yes_ –Let’s go to them. Quickly!”

Subaki swore he felt Selena’s legs press into Tenba’s sides, as if instructing him to go faster. He tried to make his descent tactical. Making a beeline would only tell their enemies exactly where they were. Even so, there was a volley of arrows aimed directly at them as they got within shooting distance of the barren ground. As he heard the whirring of arrows flying past them, his left hand was hit with an immense heat which he registered as extreme pain only half a second later. The small bones in his hand seemed to pulse in agony. He let out a choked gasp as he reflexively released the reins and dropped the naginata in his right hand, allowing it to fall seemingly in slow-motion to the ground. With no one controlling him, Tenba skittered uncertainly, changing directions and speed slightly.

“What are you doing?” Selena hissed against his neck. Then he heard her gasp as she must have noticed the shaft buried textbook-style through his palm. “What kind of rotten luck –Here, bend forward, I’ll steer us down.”

In no position to protest, he leaned himself up against Tenba’s neck, keeping his left hand gingerly stretched out to the side, as Selena reached forward and grabbed the reins. It was awkward positioning, but she managed to steer them clear of another volley of arrows and have them disappear below the cover of some tall trees. Had he not been preoccupied with the pain in his hand, he might have been surprised that Tenba was so willing to have someone else take the lead.

“Sev-Selena!” An excited voice brought Subaki’s attention away from his pain. Coming to the ground a little bit fast, the landing was rough, especially since he didn’t have the use of one of his hands. “Oh dear, a friend? That looks rough.”

Subaki stumbled off his mount after Selena. They were surrounded by four new faces. A silver-haired mercenary, who’d just spoken, the eccentric looking mage dressed in yellow, an oddly-cheery pastel-haired cavalier, and a shady looking archer who had his bow drawn, apparently (and thankfully) keeping watch for enemies during this reunion.

“Don’t be so casual, you buffoons! I thought you might have been dead –or worse, you’d be our enemy and I’d have to fight you!” Selena gave two of the men rough hugs.

“Fear not! The likes of us do not succumb to death that easily--!”

“Are we done here?” The archer, (he was wearing an eyepatch, Subaki noticed) asked, interrupting the mage, bringing attention back to the dangerous situation they were in.

Eyes now went to Subaki. He knew his grimace was not attractive nor one which welcomed happy introductions, and he hated that these new allies were seeing him for the first time in such a pathetic state. Since they seemed to be awaiting some sort of reaction from him anyways, and no one seemed to be rushing to offer, he asked, “Hello, hello, hello and hello. Proper introductions later, I think. Sorry for the trouble, but does anyone happen to have a spare vulnerary and, uh, a weapon?” He realized now how unfortunate it was that he’d dropped his own. Nohrians weren’t known to wield naginata, so he’d have to take whatever was offered to him. Considering his hand, a one-handed sword would probably be preferable to a spear.

They ended up concealing themselves behind some bushes near the top of a small hill a few hundred meters from where they landed. The vulnerary provided to him didn’t fully restore mobility to his left hand –he didn’t dare pull out the arrow and he wasn’t able to clench his fingers properly, but it did numb the pain. In his good hand, he held a spare iron sword. It was heavy but better than nothing.

As they waited for enemies to approach, Subaki caught the mage staring in his direction with a peculiar look. He pretended not to notice.

“Ah! Now I know who your companion reminds me of!” The whispers were almost comically audible.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Selena raise a finger threateningly. “Don’t say it, Odin. I know you’re thinking it, but don’t say it. _Don’t_.” He was thankful for Selena’s reprimand, although he felt like he was left outside of an inside joke.

In the end, they only had one encounter with a group of enemies before the opposing army retreated. Injured as he was, he made a point of not allowing himself to sit idle; first impressions could never be made again, after all. Thankfully, though he wouldn’t admit it, their new allies were surprisingly competent and his own skills were appreciated but not necessary to their victory (or worse, their survival).

In the chaos directly after the victory, Subaki managed to get his hand healed –not from Sakura, but the Norhian princess, Elise. As the crowds of their allies mingled and took inventories and head-counts, got healed up, and waited for Corrin to open a gate back to the astral plane, he heard Hana call his name.

When he turned, it was to a naginata thrown in his direction. He caught it expertly. Tenba whinnied in distaste at his side, not enjoying weapons thrown in his rider’s vicinity.

“Drop something?” She sounded surprised. Rightfully so, he didn’t think he’d ever managed to drop a weapon during battle before. “Did Selena get you into trouble?”

The question caught him off guard. In a way, he supposed she had –the arrows only went for them as they flew to the other Nohrians. “And out of it,” he answered truthfully.

She didn’t seem impressed. “Well, watch out. I worry she’s gonna rub off on you.”

He was left leaning against Tenba as swaths of people went about their duties, feeling uncomfortable at the implications.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! Next chapter shouldn't take quite as long to come out. This has been a bit of a transitionary chapter, but I hope you're still enjoying the story! Please leave kudos and comments... it's where I draw my writing energy from...!


	4. Cleanup Cleanser

Hana’s words dampened Subaki’s return to the dragon realm. He was used to Hana’s teasing, but the grain of truth in her words troubled him. Misfortune did seem to follow him wherever Selena was concerned. The reputation he’d spent years –no, his whole life –building, felt as though it had begun crumbling beneath him from the day he’d first knocked on her door. Regardless of whether she was teasing or genuinely warning him, he still resented Hana for voicing it.

It didn’t help that his own insecurities certainly seemed to be magnified whenever he interacted with Selena. She did not bring out the best in him, making his mask of perfection seem asinine in her presence. Perhaps it was because of this unusual vulnerability that he rejected his friend’s advice. Subaki was not accustomed to giving up in the face of hardship. Quite the opposite; he preferred to face hardship and weakness head on –although it felt like many years since he’d been put into such a situation. Following this line of logic, he decided he would welcome her company, and do so until he’d conquered his strange and misplaced sense of inadequacy. To refuse her companionship would be like giving up.

But how absurd it was this random woman could cause him such distress! And this even after consistently proving himself superior in all their petty contests!

Iterations of this circular discussion ran about his head for the first few days. But, he reassured himself, he was already setting himself up for success:

First, he adjusted his training regimen. His new routine was rigorous, extreme even, but hard work never bothered him. It was true that he was self conscious about appearing to try too hard, but far less than he was about appearing weak.

Second, he reinforced his other relationships. The more good impressions, social, physical, spiritual or otherwise he managed to make on people, the less his slip ups would matter. He’d been neglecting this simple formula since the war started, and in that time the number of people to impress had only increased. It would take some work to catch up.

Lastly, he intended to invite Selena to train with him. This was the most daunting step –but the one he considered the most necessary to rid his mind of this slump.

However, before he extended an invitation, he avoided Selena completely. The reasoning for this was more straightforward –if he was to beat her in a duel, he had to practice. He hadn’t expected such ferocity from her in battle, but now that he knew, he wouldn’t let the information go to waste. Hana was always happy to oblige him in matters of the sword, and he incorporated additional training with her into his already demanding routine.

The camp had changed considerably in those first few days back in the dragon realm. The castle was now home to both of the royal families and their retainers. Meeting the occasional person in the halls or library was no longer an impossibility in the oversized fortress. A sizeable camp of tents and temporary lodgings had been erected in the fields for the rest of the army. After sunset, campfires sprung up here and there with lively groups about them. During the day, the area bustled with activity. The practice grounds were always occupied, sounds of loosing arrows or thwacks of wooden swords filled the air. Subaki’s mediation hill, once relatively peaceful, no longer seemed private enough for its purpose. He even had to schedule his morning running earlier, to ensure his favourite running trail was empty.

The new population itself caused its own changes. No longer with the advantage of numbers, his fellow Hoshidans seemed to have finally caught up with their shameful behaviour and ceased their petty bickering with the Nohrians. They seemed to be cautiously making amends. Winning battles on the same side surely helped in forgetting their old superficial rivalry.

Subaki, following his own prescribed guideline of keeping up good social appearances, made a point of dedicating a certain amount of time in his busy day to socialising. There was no shortage of interesting people. Nyx, a Nohrian mage, was apparently under the effects of a curse. Rumour had it that she was over 100 years old. He’d been dubious, of course. But when he finally had the opportunity to speak with her (over a bitter drink called “coffee”, favoured on that side of the border), he decided her mature manner leant the rumours some credit. Arthur, one of young Princess Elise’s retainers, seemed to be under a curse of his own. Congenial to a fault, tales of his constant misfortune quickly became legend. Subaki kept his interactions brief and at a distance, in case such a malady was contagious. Odin, another Nohrian retainer, was one of the most bizarre people in camp for sure, with a personality fitting his bright yellow attire. His vocabulary was almost as impressive as his delusions of dark grandeur. That being said, when he wasn’t busy being weird, he was very friendly.

 

 

Subaki was feeling good that morning. He’d had a friendly sparring match -turned-contest with Saizo earlier, and although his body ached terribly, and no real winner had been declared, Subaki felt his own effort was admirable and had him feeling closer to his usual confident self. After a quick rinse, he found himself with a bit of some time to spare and decided to use the opportunity to make himself something in the castle kitchens. Despite it’s taste, Subaki had heard wonders about coffee’s effect on one’s energy, specifically that it far surpassed even that of tea! If he was to keep up his pace for the weeks to come, perhaps he should embrace the foreign drink. Although Nyx had found his reaction to the bitter taste amusing, he’d acquired some beans and thought he would attempt to produce a more palatable drink. (Hinata already seemed hooked on the stuff they served at breakfast. It was both frightening and encouraging seeing him basically bounce around camp at twice his usual speed.)

When he entered the kitchen, he was greeted with an unexpected sight. The younger of the two Nohrian Princes and Selena were both seated at the table, deeply invested in a board game. It seemed fate would not allow him to postpone their fight much longer.

He’d come to realise she was not chaste with her challenges. He’d heard about her challenging the wolfskin to _hunting_ , of all things. He’d caught a glimpse of her with Silas on the training field the other day too, and suspected there was some contest going on there as well. And now here, she appeared to be using the game as an excuse to try besting Leo. Subaki was almost hurt –he’d held the misconception she had singled him out. In fairness, he wasn’t modest in his challenges either.

“Good morning. Strange place to play a game, no?”

When Selena looked up (Leo didn’t even spare a glance), her reaction was immediate. “You!” An angry finger was pointed in his direction, and she turned in her seat to face him as he walked to the water pump. “I’d thought maybe you were just recovering from the battle last week, but I heard you sparred with Saizo just this morning!”

“Goodness, that was hardly two hours ago. Does information travel that quickly?”

“Don’t change the subject! It’s _on_! Unless it’s possible ‘The Great Subaki’ is just scared?”

“’The Great Subaki?’” Leo finally looked up from the board, curious. “Forgive me, I don’t think I’ve had the opportunity to formally make your acquaintance. I’m afraid with all the meetings I’ve missed a few introductions… Your name does sound familiar, though.”

Having finally found the paper filters, he emerged from the cupboard and opened his mouth to reply, but Selena cut him off. “He’s one of Sakura’s retainers. Known for his annoying habit of being great at everything.” Was there candid praise hidden somewhere in that remark?

“A royal retainer, is that right? Have you met my own yet? Odin and Niles –they’re hard to miss.”

 _The certainly were._ Subaki still hadn’t found himself able to find anything worth liking in the latter, eye-patched retainer.

Again, Selena spoke before he could reply. “Subaki was with me when we first ran into them at the bottomless canyon. It’s a damn good thing we did –there was a group of enemies nearby. You could say we came to their rescue.”

An overstatement perhaps, but not entirely untrue.

Leo sighed. “They are capable, but tend to be foolish, I’m afraid. Your move, Selena.”

“Oh –right.”

Having everything set up in front of him, Subaki began grinding the beans. Leo’s eyes watched him.

“Are you making coffee, Subaki? Could you make me a cup too, please.” Leo’s request sounded more like a command.

“Ooo, me too.” Selena chimed in as she moved one of her pieces on the table.

A silent scream rang within his head. He’d come here to experiment with making coffee –not to serve his sloppy first attempts to royalty. But what could he say? He found himself glaring at Selena as if the situation was her fault.

“Of course.”

Surly and anxious, Subaki hovered around the kitchen as he waited for his water to boil, and after, for the coffee to brew. The two were absorbed again in their game. He wondered what game it was; he’d never seen it played before. The coffee dripping into the serving pot was beginning to have that distinct coffee smell. The aroma was deceptively delicious.

“You’ve lost, Selena.”

“What? How??”

Subaki poured three cups of coffee into heavy ceramic mugs. He felt obliged to take a seat after he’d passed everyone a cup. Selena was still angrily eyeing the board.

“Jeez… how many games is that now… twelve?”

“Thirteen, actually.”

Subaki lowered his cup in shock before it reached his lips. “You mean to say… this is the _thirteenth time_ you’ve played each other?”

She answered defensively. “Well, it’s only a matter of time!”

“She _is_ getting better.”

Subaki had been aware she was competitive, but he hadn’t known she was this persistent as well. And in the face of so many failures, too. Subaki didn’t think he’d ever failed thirteen times in a row –at anything. He was fairly certain he would cease to exist by the eighth.

They seemed to all take their first sips at the same time.

Subaki still did not enjoy the taste, but he couldn’t tell if this was because he was unaccustomed to it or if his coffee was just bad.

“My word, you like your coffee strong!” Leo said this as if he were impressed. Selena just frowned into her cup.

Leo took another large sip before standing. “I’d better go. I can only hide in the kitchen from my brother and his meetings for so long… Until our fourteenth game then, Selena. Nice meeting you, Subaki.” His words were cold, but Subaki was getting the feeling that was just the way he spoke.

Once Leo had shut the door behind him, Selena spoke up. “Ok there Mr. Barista, either you were trying to murder the Nohrian Prince or you don’t know much about coffee. Thankfully for Leo, he’s used to drinking the darkest, strongest coffee available.”

Subaki sighed, realising he’d been found out. “I only tasted it yesterday. It’s not like I was expecting to share it with anyone.”

“Hold it, hold it. I’m not even saying it’s bad. The beans might actually be quite good if you hadn’t made it so strong it killed every single one of my taste buds on contact.”

“I would appreciate constructive criticism, if you are capable.”

“For starters, like tea, coffee is usually had with cream and sugar. You haven’t noticed?” As she said this she went and grabbed the sugar dish and a small tin jug. “Who on earth had you try your first coffee _black_?”

“Nyx,” he muttered, watching her add two spoons of sugar and a healthy serving of cream into both their cups, stirring them when she’d finished.

“There.”

He took another sip. It was much better. Almost good, even.

”That helped,” he admitted.

“So, you’ve been keeping yourself scarce. The hill’s been pretty lonely.”

“You still go?” He’d been alone the first day back, so he assumed she was over it. He’d changed his schedule since then, having to remove the activity entirely to accommodate everything else. He spent that chunk of time practising aerial maneuvers with Tenba now. He almost felt bad, imagining her sitting there by herself. “I find it too loud now, to be honest.” She shrugged.

“Selena, is there a reason you’re so competitive with everyone?”

The look she gave him was probably deserved. “You’re one to talk. But I’ll entertain your curiosity.” She took a leisurely sip of her coffee. “In beating someone who’s the best at something, doesn’t that prove you’re the best at it?”

“And so you want… validation? That you’re the best at something?”

“Pfft. What are you, a therapist now?”

He wondered if he’d struck a nerve. Trying lighten the mood, he said, “You know, I’d actually thought I was especially singled out…” He pretended to be hurt, letting it bleed into his voice.

“Oh, you are. You’re my special project.”

He recalled her saying something similar after they’d gotten caught in the rain. “And why is that?”

“A few reasons. Foremost, if we assume –and I’m still dubious, of course –that you’re the best at a great deal of things, then really all I need to do is beat _you_. Really the contests with everyone else are beside the point, assuming you can already beat them. It’s like a shortcut.”

_Practical._

“You’ve played this game with Prince Leo thirteen times now. Am I destined for a similar fate?”

She had the decency to look a bit embarrassed. “That depends on our swordfight tomorrow, doesn’t it?”

“Tomorrow?” What was on his agenda for tomorrow?

“Objections?”

Nothing important, apparently.

“No no, tomorrow’s fine.” He chewed on his next words, rehearsed as they were. He knew there’d be no going back once he asked. “Selena, would you like to train with me?”

“W-What?”

“I’ve upped my regimen. I was getting lax –it was unacceptable. And you’ve shown yourself to be persistent. I think you could handle it. Benefit from it.”

She looked suspicious. “And what do _you_ get out of it?”

“Your company, I suppose.” Again, not quite a lie. But if she really was, in some indirect, peripheral way the obstacle to his success, was this not the best method to overcome it? She was the only missing item in his training schedule.

Her face reddened. He realized too late that perhaps he’d come off as overly friendly. Were they friends? He still wasn’t sure.

“Have you been hanging out with Laslow? Thankfully I grew up with him so I’m more or less immune to that kind of nonsense. Watch out, his corniness will come off on you –and you’re already pretty corny.”

_Did everyone think he was so impressionable?_

She appeared to have composed herself. “I’ll think about it. Write me up your schedule or whatever. If I beat you tomorrow there won’t be any need though, will there?”

“All the more reason for me to try my best then.”

 

 

By the time he made it to the training field, Subaki had already run 15km, done weight training, soaked in a bath with relaxing oils, and his usual haircare routine. He’d had to pencil in this match when he would normally do weapons training with Hana. When he’d told her she merely raised a brow. Not to be put off her own schedule, she joined Corrin instead.

Subaki was feeling good. He’d been anticipating this for over a week now, and although he was surprised by the skill Selena had shown on the battlefield, he felt that his additional training over the past week would allow him to at least put up a fair fight. More than just his usual fear of failure fueling him, he also wanted to ensure Selena would agree to train with him. It was an unconventional motivator, both for this match and for training in general, but he was convinced if he could overcome failure in Selena’s presence then he would be one step closer to achieving perfection.

He took out his practice sword and was giving it a few practice swings to limber up when he noticed Selena approach. She looked discouraged.

“Why the long face? Intimidation caught up with you?”

She rolled her eyes. “Hardly. I just came back from trying to coach Lord Xander in comedy.”

He put a hand on his hip. “You don’t strike me as a master of jokes.”

“First of all you’re wrong, I’m plenty funny when I want to be. Secondly it really doesn’t take much to be funnier than Xander. Anyways, enough of that,” Selena selected a practice sword, brandishing it in a flourish in front of her, “let’s go!”

Wasting no time with further niceties, they began to circle one another slowly. Wary of the extreme offensive power he’d witnessed from her in real battle, he opted to force her into a defensive position instead. He lunged experimentally. She parried, although with a bit more force than necessary. Another lunge –she could have stepped away from this one but again she parried, their swords making hollow wooden clacks. In the small break that followed, Selena made a lunge of her own, which he managed to sidestep. He used his momentum to propel him into a thrust –she dodged, but a hair too slowly, allowing for a weak smack of Subaki’s sword to hit her shoulder.

Seemingly angry, Selena backed up slightly to re-establish distance between them, before rushing at him with quick jabs from seemingly random directions. Aside from a smart smack to his knuckles, he was able to block or dodge the hits. Sensing a rhythm, he dodged then turned to cut at her outstretched forearm. Even with the practice swords, that would likely bruise.

He was surprised. There was no doubt what he saw from her the other day, but here in practice she seemed sloppy, inefficient. She was acting both too guarded and too brash. If she fought like this in real battles, she would not remain alive very long.

He backed up and allowed them to circle again. He realized they never agreed on rules –in some cases his direct slash to her arm would have counted as a victory, since it might’ve lopped the arm clean off had the blades been steel. “Are we continuing?”

In response, she came at him again, this time with a feint, which he caught on to at the last moment, allowing her sword to make light contact with his ribs. She stepped back, then quickly forward, lunging. He parried, then made a riposte. A direct hit on her arm again. For the sake of ending it quickly and with minimal damage, Subaki thought striking the same spot multiple times to be the most effective.

Her arm sagged a bit. With some effort, she raised it again.

“Selena, I think we’re done.” A few people had stopped by the perimeter and were watching with mild interest. Usually Subaki welcomed onlookers when it seemed he would be victorious, but somehow this felt wrong. The fight should have been over –if it was ever fair, it wasn’t anymore.

Still, Selena came at him again with a flurry of energy. She stepped forward, forward, forward. He stepped back to leave distance between them until his back hit the weapons shed. All he could do now was block. He was at a disadvantage, although it was Selena who was breathing heavy with exertion, sweat dampening her hairline. From this position, she managed to make contact; his wrist, his side, his collar. But the hits were weak. She was tiring, and her arm was injured.

“ _Selena.”_

“I’m not done!”

Fueled by anger, he finally managed to slip sideways and away from the shed, her missed strike making a tinny echo against the metal siding. When she turned on him, he carefully avoided her strikes, waiting for the perfect opportunity…

_There…!_

He gave a powerful blow to her right wrist. This time she yelped and dropped her weapon, clutching her hand. He quickly picked the other sword up from the ground, in case she was somehow still under the impression it wasn’t over.

Instead of saying anything to him, Selena turned around, still clutching her wrist, and yelled at the small crowd, “Don’t you have anything better to do?”

Subaki sighed and threw the two wooden swords into the shed, closing the door with something almost like relief. He hadn’t enjoyed that. He couldn’t say exactly why, but somewhere between Selena’s surprising underperformance and the heavy bruising no doubt covering her right arm, he felt unhappy. Feeling superior was one of his greatest pleasures, and yet Selena proved again that she could somehow take that away from him.

She was sitting cross-legged on the grass. He wanted to say something nice, reassuring even, but he felt he was grasping at nothing and what filled its place instead was disappointment.

“What is your problem?”

“Disenchanted? I guess I have that affect on people.”

His mouth gaped at her uncharacteristic response. “What? No! I mean why didn’t you stop after that first hit to your arm?”

“Because we. Weren’t. Finished. Yet.” She spoke to him as though he were stupid.

“I didn’t think it was a stretch to consider that first hit a debilitating blow. Or the next one.”

“Well what was I supposed to do? We didn’t set any rules beforehand!”

They were both nearly shouting, and at risk of creating another scene. Subaki closed his eyes a few moments to calm himself.

“Does it feel broken? Fractured?” He’d tried to control the strike to avoid any real damage. “Let me see.” He held out his hand.

She pulled her gloved hand closer to her body. “I’m fine.”

“Should I see if Sakura can –”

“Can you stop patronizing me?”

He shut his mouth. Admittedly, he would never request Sakura’s magic for something trivial like a bruise. Likewise, he doubted Selena would ever agree to be magically healed for such a minor injury. Perhaps the guilt was addling his reasoning.

He heard her stomach growl. “Cooking.”

“Pardon?”

“That will be our next one. I bet I can cook circles around you.”

“Did Xander’s comedy class make you miss lunch?”

“More like made me lose my appetite.”

Subaki took out a crisply folded sheet of paper from his pocket. He needed to figure out what was next on his schedule.

“Do you have one of those for me?”

He glanced at her from the corner of his eye. “You still want to train with me?”

“Hey, it was _you_ who asked _me,_ by the way. You specifically requested my company.”

“I suppose I did…” He handed her his schedule.

She gave it a look over. She circled a few blocks. She muttered something about having duties for Camilla and previous engagements. She scribbled “COOKING” over the box representing their current time slot –he supposed this would become their weekly contest hour. Outside of that, it looked like she would be joining him on his morning runs, arms practice, and a few of his strength exercises.

She poked a portion of the morning which repeated itself daily. “You have an hour-long morning beauty routine?” She sounded impressed.

“I’m pretty sure I have it labeled as ‘cleanup-cleanser’… Of all things, _that_ impresses you?”

She shrugged a shoulder. “Nothing wrong with having clean, soft, exfoliated skin. Lemongrass oil? I knew I smelled something on you.”

“In my hair, yes.”

Selena seemed quite happy to spend some time discussing some of her own favourite items. Apparently, a village in Nohr crafted amazing products using naturally occurring salts found in the mountains. She also swore volcanic ash is the secret to having smooth feet. Before Subaki excused himself, he’d gotten the impression she quite enjoyed buying herself odd trinkets.

 

 

That night, thoroughly exhausted, he dug through one of his carefully organized cabinets for a spare jar of one of his menthol muscle-relaxant creams. It was just one more tool in his toolkit for treading the fine line between perfection and a broken body. He thought perhaps Selena might be willing to try this on her bruises. He added a quick note, ‘For your arm’ and struggled a few seconds with whether to end with a period (too formal) or an exclamation mark (too silly). In the end, he ended up forgoing good grammar and putting neither.

Before he knocked on her door a few hallways down, Camilla strode by, clad in fur robe and shoes which clacked against the stone floor.

“Subaki! How late of you to come knocking on my lovely Selena’s door.”

It wasn’t that late, but he wasn’t about to argue. “Just dropping something off. Is she out?”

“I’m afraid so. Out with her other retainer friends.” She held out her hand. “But I can deliver this to her.” She smiled in a way somehow too frightening to be reassuring. He handed it to her regardless.

“Thank you, Lady Camila.” He did a small bow, eager to get back to his room.

“Say,” she purred dangerously, “you aren’t responsible for those nasty marks on my dear Selena’s arm, are you? I don’t know how I would react if my darling was harmed by one of our own…”

Subaki had a flash of guilty panic.

“Unless it was… _consensual?”_

If anything, this somehow made the questioning more awkward. He at least had the sense to not open his mouth. He knew whatever would come out would be uncomposed and unbecoming.

“Watch yourself, Subaki.”

Finally he managed another bow, and wished the Princess a good evening. He left feeling very much like a scolded child.

 

 

Subaki met with Selena before the sun crested the horizon, the sky a warm grey colour, and dew still coating the grass. He preferred to wake early and to go to bed early. He suspected, at her appearance that morning, Selena was not of the same inclination. He felt an uncomfortable knot in his stomach at the sight of her bare arm, mottled in dark purple-ish colours, but he could smell the distinct scent of menthol in the air –clearly her stubbornness had limits.

“15 kilometers, huh?” They were stretching at the beginning of his trail. It started in a field, went through a young forest, before traveling up a small foothill and back down again. He’d added an extra 5 km to his usual route by taking a detour around the farms in the last quarter. It had the added benefit of allowing him to not neglect checking his cabbages, which were nearly ready to be harvested. He couldn’t wait.

“I find a run in the morning gives me energy for the rest of the day. Sadly, this path is no longer as private as it used to be, all the more reason to run first thing in the morning.”

“ _I_ usually do my runs at night. I find they help put me to sleep. Although… I admit I find 15 km a little bit daunting for a _daily_ thing.  I’m going to have to show you a real Nohrian breakfast after this. Bacon, eggs, waffles… I don’t know how you can come to the mess hall after this and have one of your pathetic little Hoshidan meals. An egg and a bowl of plain rice? Why do you all insist on punishing yourselves?”

“I’ll hold you to it, then.”

They set off slowly. Selena seemed happy to let him set the pace. Occasionally, birds would be spooked out of the long grass as they jogged past, shrieking angrily as they took to the sky.

By the time they were halfway through the small forest, Selena was lagging behind. At first, Subaki slowed his pace, just slightly, to accommodate her. But when it became apparent she wasn’t going to get a second wind, he told her he’d meet her at the end. Of course, his casual dismissal caused her to push herself for a few more minutes, before sullenly falling behind.

She did not catch up with him again, and although he would occasionally glance behin., By the time he’d passed past his cabbage patch he could no longer see her. At the end of his route, he paced mindlessly in the grass, allowing himself to catch his breath and keep the blood flowing in his legs. Selena still hadn’t caught up. He did his scheduled 20 minutes of prolonged body postures –a useful cooldown stretching technique he picked up from Azama. While he finished up, he was greeted, as usual, by Hana. She’d taken a liking to his trail too, although she started from the other side, and didn’t bother with the twisting path through the field.

Since Selena seemed to be running late anyways, he decided to rinse off before breakfast today. Cold water was pumped into the castle through underground wells –it wasn’t as relaxing as a warm bath, but it worked well enough for rinsing off sweat. By the time he made it to the mess hall, it was late enough in the morning that it bustled with people grabbing their morning meal. He caught Selena waving in his direction, two huge plates of food set out in front of her. Although not breathing heavily, he suspected she’d probably come directly from her run.

“So? How do you feel?” He asked, taking a seat across from her. This was the first time he’d sat with her for a meal, excluding the time spent when they were sick, he realized.

“Famished! And hey –I finished. You can confirm with Hana, she ran past me right near the last stretch.”

“So what’s all this then?” He gestured at the spread laid out between them. He, like most Hoshidans, preferred a light breakfast. The variety of foods had increased now that more Nohrians had joined the ranks, although he preferred sticking with what he was used to.

“Waffles with fruit and syrup, fried eggs, bacon, peameal bacon, oatmeal… and a scone with jam.” She sounded proud of herself.

“You don’t eat this every morning, do you?”

“Of course not! How else would I maintain my gorgeous figure?”

“… you aren’t going to put me up to eating all of this, are you?”

Her eyes glinted and he regretted asking. “You know what, I wasn’t, but honestly, for the sake of science I’m willing to turn this into a competition, to prove how the Hoshidan diet makes for weak stomachs.”

Needless to say neither of them felt very well when they were doneSubaki might have actually taken a liking to the bacon and scone had he not felt like he was consuming an entire day’s worth of food in one sitting.

His plate empty, he won the contest, although he felt no one was the victor.

The yellow mage sat down beside Selena as they were both digesting their food in regretful silence.

“Good morning, Selena! And Subaki, the fearsome pegasus knight of lore—”

“Not now, Odin.”

Odin remained in silence a few moments, looking a little dejected by Selena’s comment, and pained by the effort. Eventually he seemed to break. “Are you still joining us for cards tonight? Niles agreed to take my shift this week.”

“Of course. I can’t let Silas beat everyone for a _third_ time in a row.” She looked up at him. “Would you like to join us? You can use your skills to take down our resident knight before it gets to his head.”

Subaki had assumed Selena was unavailable that evening for sprint exercises because she had prearranged duties for Corrin or Camilla. He hadn’t realized she simply took the time to play cards.

“I cannot. _I_ have training scheduled tonight.” He said this pointedly.

“Then we shall lose with dignity tonight! We can only use the expected loss to strengthen our—”

“Don’t say it like we’ve already lost!”

Odin shrugged and went back to eating his pancake.

“So what’s next?” Subaki was happy to see that the run hadn’t scared her off. Not completely, anyways.

“Arms training with Hana and whoever else decides to show up.”

Selena sighed. “Can’t wait.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Subaki is so hard to write sometimes... like, he's kind of dumb but he's completely unaware of it? Bless him.
> 
> Things are gettin' good. Ramping it up. I hope Subaki's faulty logic was somewhat believable (see comment above). At this rate, I'm expecting this to end up being somewhere between 8 and 10 chapters long? As always, comments and kudos are always appreciated :) You can find me on twitter @chrrybubblegum or on tumblr at http://cherry-bubblegum.tumblr.com/ I draw mediocre Selena/Subaki art sometimes.


	5. Achy Breaky

Subaki and Selena were stretching on the damp grass before their morning run. It had been nearly a week since she’d joined him during his new training regimen, and she was making huge improvements. Annoyingly, he was not. He winced in pain as he stretched, wondering if perhaps he’d been pushing himself _too_ hard. It felt like he’d hit a wall and was burning out. Ironically, when faced with setbacks such as these, he would normally respond by training harder and longer still. But he was currently _in_ the harder and longer phase, leaving him at a bit of a loss. And so, he put on a brave face and persevered, though he secretly envied Selena’s cherry-picked schedule.

Since their duel last week, she had been joining him for about half of his training sessions. Although she loved complaining, he never saw her actually give up. Her dedication didn’t seem to be paying off much in things like Leo’s board game, but physically she was progressing rapidly.

He quickly averted his eyes, realizing he’d been staring at her.

As to whether having her around was helping his misfortune? It was hard to say –he kept himself so busy these days he doubted misfortune had any opportunity to butt in. And although at first it had bothered him that she was seemingly immune to his carefully maintained image of perfection, he was beginning to almost find it refreshing to not having to put on the act in front of her. And with his hectic schedule, the little challenges they posed to each other were welcome diversions; the closest thing to fun he could make time for.

As per their somewhat established rules, it was Selena’s turn to choose their next competition, since he’d been the one to propose sword fighting. However, because she was still adamant about cooking, they’d decided to postpone the competition to the next week, when Selena had been due for kitchen duty anyways. This way, their food could at least be used to feed the army. Mozu also predicted his cabbages would be ready for harvest by then (and good riddance!).

In the meantime, Subaki got to choose this week’s challenge. He thought himself rather clever, and had to restrain himself from proposing it immediately –he figured the less time he gave her to think about it, the less likely she would be to refuse.

He sprung the idea on her now, as they began their steady run through the field.

“A pegasus race?” She didn’t try to hide her incredulity.

He hadn’t been able to discover more about her origins, and the only clues he had revolved around pegasi. He hoped by concocting a challenge involving pegasi in some way, he would be able to find out more. This was another thing that helped keep him sane through his long hours of training; a little mystery to chew on.

“That’s right. Hinoka has a lovely set of airborne obstacles set up. Consider it a vertical obstacle course.” Subaki had no intention of letting Hinoka find out her precious pegasus knight training course was being used for something so frivolous.

“Oh yeah? Well what if I don’t even know how to fly a pegasus? Seems like a pretty cheap contest to me. I didn’t think you were the type to try and collect cheap wins.”

She was bluffing. Her nostrils flared when she bluffed. Even so, he felt a stab at his pride.

“I do not. And you shouldn’t talk –I know it wasn’t a coincidence you wanted to arm wrestle an hour after you saw me lifting weights.” His muscles had felt like jelly, and after somehow beating her he struggled to lift his toothbrush to his mouth that night.

“That was for your own sake. Or, it was supposed to be. I thought beating you might finally make you realize your masochistic schedule was too much.”

He flinched. Hana had expressed a similar sentiment to him just yesterday. Neither woman was one of the doting, concerned types, so he could only imagine what Sakura might say. Thankfully, Sakura seemed to be almost as preoccupied as himself, being involved in the more political and practical decisions of the war, so they’d barely had time for more than fleeting pleasantries. Subaki was used to Hana’s criticism. Over the years it had become almost like an inside joke to them, so hearing her comment about how he was “working himself to death” was unremarkable. Selena, in the comparatively short time he’d known her, was not afraid of speaking her mind, although the scrap of concern embedded in her action was uncharacteristic and rattled him slightly.

“I didn’t realize you were an expert on what was ‘too much’.” He knew he was coming off as defensive.

“All I’m saying is I’ve seen people waste their entire lives with this sort of thing. And then die over it. Believe it or not, you’re a hell of a lot more useful in battle when you have the energy to actually lift a spear. But what do I know about anything.”

He was caught off guard, by that. Tempted to retaliate and insist he was very capable of lifting a spear, and in fact had plans to do so for 90 minutes after lunch, he instead decided the circular argument that would result was not worth it. So, the discussion ended there, and they saved their breath for the long jog ahead.

 

 

Happy as he was to collapse in bed after another long day, to Subaki’s dismay he found himself unable to fall asleep that night. For once, his weariness did not overcome his soreness. And so he was stuck staring at the dark ceiling, his sore muscles, joints, and tendons all working together to ensure he was as uncomfortable as possible. Alone with his thoughts, he considered the horrible possibility that perhaps Selena was right; that he was working himself into uselessness. He was unused to such miscalculations, but perhaps his recent pattern of misfortune made him susceptible to such blunders.

But working hard had never failed him before! Surely it was only a matter of time…?

Deciding to be proactive, he decided to go to the hot spring. He could mull over over his situation in the warm water, relaxing his muscles, instead of pointlessly lying awake.. And at this hour, he was likely to have the whole pool to himself.

Steam rose lightly above the tall, wooden wall surrounding the water. The enclosure was on the outskirts of camp; rocky ground and scattered pine trees surrounding it. He entered through the small door, heading to a small cabin which acted as a changeroom. Corrin seemed to mix the Hoshidan tradition of hot springs with Nohrian sensibilities, creating a hybrid. Public bathing, was apparently the only thing Norhians were prudish about. So, in these hot springs, visitors wore their undergarments rather than being nude. It was strange to Subaki, and presumably to the other Hoshidans as well, but they complied.

As he stepped into the water in only his smalls, he nearly shrieked as a head of white hair emerged from the steam.

“Well, what a lovely evening this is turning out to be.”

It was Niles.

Subaki couldn’t stand him. Although he generally strove to be as polite as possible, Subaki couldn’t help but complain about this man in particular to anyone who would listen. His friends seemed more amused by his blatant animosity than anything else. Selena, at least, seemed to share his sentiment and indulged him on more than one occasion in a lively criticism session targeting the aggravating one-eyed archer.

“Is that so? Here I thought it couldn’t get any worse, and yet I was proven wrong.” He made a point of wading through the navel-deep water to the far side of the pool. He sat down, letting the water reach his chin.

Niles was low-brow, shady, and suggestive. He reeked of bad upbringing and lawlessness. Normally Subaki was happy to just avoid such people, but this somehow seemed to draw Niles closer, like an insect drawn towards pointed contempt. Inevitably, their interactions were not civil.

“I’m sorry. I understand how _traumatic_ that is for you.”

Subaki kept his eyes closed. The water was helping to ease his soreness, however he wondered if he’d be able to do much thinking with the other man clearly on a mission to bother him.

It continued. “I see you’re on a mission to destroy a perfectly fine body, Subaki. Is this your _personal pleasure_?”

While he was almost flattered by Selena’s concern, Niles statement merely angered him. It also raised the possibility that he was not as good at hiding his physical suffering as he’d thought. Did he really look so… haggard? Still, he made an effort to not react.

Niles seemed to settle himself deeper into the water, as if it were a comfortable stuffed armchair. “Well, you know how it is; some people like to deliver pain whilst others like to receive it. You’re managing to do both simultaneously. Impressive, as always. Must you always outshine everyone else?”

“If you don’t have anything meaningful to say, please direct your mouth below the water when you speak.

The other man sighed and blew a few defeated bubbles for effect. Then, “She’s not hiding anything worth your time, by the way.”

Subaki opened an eye. “I beg your pardon?”

“Selena.” Niles seemed annoyingly willing to keep his responses short, now.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You’ve been keeping an eye –or two, rather –on her. Well, I’m being _helpful_ and telling you that you’re barking up the wrong tree. Wherever Selena, Odin, and Laslow are from has not consequence on anything we’re dealing with here. No one cares.”

“And how do you know?” Subaki wasn’t going to concede he’d been caught snooping.

“It’s my job to know. Literally. Do you really think the Nohrian royal family is daft enough to hire dangerous alien spies? Assassins? Well… not those antagonistic to Nohr, anyways.”

“The royals already know?” Subaki felt a bit deflated. What had he been hoping for? That he could save the day and be some sort of hero? He felt his foolishness compound. At this point he doubted his capacity to report Selena or her friends anyways –there were rumours Nohrians used torture to investigate plots of treason.

Besides the point, it didn’t look like that was anyone’s plan.

“Pfft. You think they hire just anyone to be a retainer these days? I mean, maybe we don’t all have the purebred paperwork and established family lines like the retainers in Hoshido but…” he shrugged beneath the water, “we manage.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because you insisted on only useful conversation. And also… I’m interested to see what you’ll do next.”

“If you’re so knowledgeable, where is she from?”

“ _Where_ is the less exciting question. I’m pretty sure _when_ is the more exciting one.”

What a goddamn fool he was to be led along like this. “Like some kind of time-traveller? What sort of imbecile do you take me for? Stop wasting my time.”

Niles merely chuckled and went back to intermittently blowing bubbles below the surface.

When he decided he’d had enough, Subaki walked back to the edge of the pool and stepped out, his underwear clinging wetly to his skin.

“You know,” Niles spoke up as Subaki patted himself with the towel, “when I can’t sleep, I find it helps to take matters into my own hand.” He made a crude gesture with his hand. “Puts me to sleep right away.”

“Give my condolences to your partner.” He took what joy he could from the other man’s resulting scowl, before slipping his robe back on and walking back to the castle.

 

 

With some effort, he allowed himself to sleep in that morning. No one would be expecting him for a while, and although he’d decided to continue with his training, he decided taking one morning off would not ruin him. Probably. Still, he felt a cloud of failure looming over him that morning, as if taking this small reprieve was like admitting defeat.

In his effort to socialize, he’d begun routinely having his morning coffee with Nyx and whoever else happened to stop by. It was a nice way to relax after his morning run, although he supposed he didn’t have that particular excuse this morning. Nyx also made the best coffee, on which Subaki was now nearly a dependent. His morning coffee was another small thing he could look forward to.

Kaze and Nyx were already filling their mugs, seated on two of the assorted stumps and boulders she’d spread in a semi-circle near her tent’s entrance. Like all of the non-retainers, Nyx lived in a large, semi-permanent tent. All the tents in the field were identical, although most people often personalized them slightly to make the otherwise drab grey canvas distinct. They were large, about the size of a generous bedroom, with slightly sloping ceilings which meant you could stand up properly if you were standing in the middle where the support post was. Nyx, who was rather short, could probably stand in most of her tent.

 Kaze was one of the people who often opted for a quiet cup of coffee in front of the tent instead of the rowdy mess hall. Subaki had spoken with Kaze occasionally before the war, since they were both employed by the castle. However, now they had become much closer. He was a much-needed male friend. His quiet but pleasant attitude was easy to get along with.

The two paused an moment when they noticed him approach, and then somewhat belatedly Kaze exclaimed “Subaki, you’re looking well! Good night’s sleep?”

Subaki allowed himself to smile and nod. He didn’t want to advertise his personal shortcomings; the guilt of his break was already weighing heavily on him. He did feel much better, physically at least. Unfortunately, some of this was offset by his sense of shame.

Nyx handed him a steaming cup. He stayed uncharacteristically silent as he added sugar and cream to his cup.

“So what’s the big event for today?” Subaki knew Kaze took some amusement in hearing about Subaki’s various contests. At least he had the decency to not poke fun of him as Hana tended to. It seemed Kaze was aware that this was the day Selena and he set aside for their contests.

The past week had been punctuated with their informal bouts. Having her as a part-time training partner opened many opportunities. He’d shown his superiority in weapons polishing, trench digging, stable cleaning, and house-of-cards building. Omitting the last one, Subaki was sure the army was pleased with the rate at which random chores were being enthusiastically completed.

“Flying, actually.”

Nyx made a disapproving sound. “That hardly sounds fair.”

Subaki shrugged. “Selena can be quite surprising.” After taking some time to enjoy his coffee, a question came to mind. “Nyx, is time travel possible?”

In most circumstances he would never deign to ask such a silly question, or not so abruptly, but if anyone was knowledgeable of such things, it would be her. And he figured it would be at least one thing he could set his mind at ease about.

She took her time before she responded, having a lengthy sip of her coffee first. Much like Leo, she drank hers black and fearfully strong.

“I haven’t seen it credibly done, but I believe it would be possible. Such magic would be outside the normal human capacity, but that’s never stopped magic before.”

“What do you mean?” Kaze asked.

She explained, “Magic can compound magic. A spell which allows me to live indefinitely should be outside my limits, but since it occurred as a backfire of sorts, it allowed the magic to magnify the plane of –anyways, it’s possible.”

“Did someone say magic??” From behind the tent appeared Odin, overbearingly cheerful as always, carrying a plate of scones from the mess hall. He placed them beside the coffee pot.

Thankfully, Nyx seemed to think Odin would have as much of a grasp on what she was explaining as he and Kaze, “Good morning Odin. You don’t often join us –Subaki skipping his morning run _and_ you coming all the way from the castle? I’m a popular woman. Maybe a prince will pop out of the bushes before lunch, too.”

Subaki was glad for the diversion in conversation –if Niles was to be believed, and Subaki still had his doubts –then Odin was also one of the people from another place. Or time.

“You overvalue my company –a walk from the castle is nothing! Besides, I had something to tell our green ninja. But first, Nyx, may I partake in your darkest coffee? It’s energy –”

“Go ahead.”

Not one to be deflated, Odin continued, addressing Kaze. “I have some unfortunate news. I will be unable to attend our Euchre game tomorrow.”

“Oh dear. Scheduling issues?”

Odin made a dismissive gesture. “Something like that. Niles is calling upon old favours. And who am I if not blood-bound by the—”

“Maybe Subaki can fill in?” Kaze’s brows raised questioningly.

A wave of panic hit him. He’d already taken the morning off, he couldn’t allow himself to cut back in the afternoon as well!

As he was trying to put together a polite way to decline, Odin perked up, nearly spilling his coffee in the process. “Subaki would be perfect!” He turned to Nyx. “He and Selena are good friends, you know.”

If it wasn’t true, now would have been an awkward time to voice it. “What does Selena have to do with this?” She had a strange way of coming up in seemingly unrelated conversations these days.

“Ahhh,” Odin began, sagely, “Euchre is a game played in partners. Selena was to be my partner, you see. You and Selena will be playing against Kaze and Hana. Why don’t I go over the rules?”

The opportunity to refuse had long since past, if it had ever been there at all. So, he forced himself to nibble at a scone and swallow his trepidation.

 

 

He led the two pegasi to the flight field. Tenba seemed irritated to be walking next to the other pegasus. Indeed, she was surprisingly poorly behaved, even for the training backup. Selena was already up ahead, pacing slightly until she caught sight of him.

She jogged over to him. “Who pissed in your coffee?”

“I beg your pardon?”

She poked the skin under his eye.

“Ow!”

“Well rested.” She continued to eye him critically, before quickly yanking at a strand of his hair.”

“Can you stop that??”

“—Well groomed.” She took a step back, making a show of appraising him from top to bottom. Subaki prepared himself for another assault. “But sullen and lifeless.” She crossed her arms. “What momentous failure has dared encroach your circle of perfection?”

“I haven’t _failed_ anything.” Even as he said it, he knew it was only partly the truth. “Can’t you just comment on how bright-eyed I look this morning like everyone else?” Yusha, the training pegasus, whinnied nervously behind him.

She closed her eyes knowingly. “Oh, _I_ know you haven’t failed anything. But clearly you disagree. You’ve had a minor setback and now you’re wallowing in self pity. You hate recognizing your own weakness. You’ve built up this stupid, unhealthy idea that you’re the best, and every time something happens that disproves that, you feel _threatened_.”

His mouth moved as if to defend himself against this diatribe, but his mind was still processing what she’d said, and no words came out. With irritation, he felt his eyes sting. No one had ever spoken to him quite like that before. He couldn’t believe he’d begun to think Selena had a softer side. He felt betrayed by her exposing him like this.

“Am I wrong?? Get over yourself, Subaki. For what it’s worth, I’m glad. I didn’t like seeing you grind yourself into dust. What’s with people like you, never happy with anything you do? Now sit down.”

She put her hands on his shoulders and pushed downwards. He allowed his knees to buckle –not that difficult in his current state –so he was sitting in the uneven grass. She sat herself across from him, their crossed legs nearly touching.

Finally, coherent words came. “What are you doing?”

“ _We_ are going to meditate.”

Subaki didn’t feel like meditating. He felt like arguing. Or fighting. Or _winning_. “I don’t want to meditate!”

She put her hands on his shoulders again in a way that was somehow both assertive and apologetic. “Can you grow up for like, 5 minutes, please? You’re going to sit here and digest my constructive criticism. You’re going to allow yourself to calm the fuck down and stop feeling bad for yourself. Don’t think about how you’re going to catch up tomorrow, or what’s going to happen next week. You are going to relax. Now.”

“Selena—”

“Shut your mouth, close your eyes, and breathe!”

He finally did as he was told.

It was hard to calm himself down when he’d felt as though he’d just been verbally gutted, his insides unceremoniously spilled for everyone to see.

 _No, not everyone, just Selena,_ he tried to reassure himself.

Why was she calling him out? Did she get a kick out of humiliating him? Belittling him? And how did she manage to see so clearly into his head? It was unnerving.

He opened an eye. She was watching him, her expression mild. Why was she sitting so close? She didn’t look like she had any malicious intention. He felt his cheeks flush as he closed his eye. “I feel like there’s a double standard here. I thought you were doing this too.”

“I’ll join in when you start behaving yourself.”

Subaki tried to think about a time he’d reacted similarly. In Hoshido, people feelings, aspirations or motivations weren’t topics that were casually breeched. As such, conversations rarely got so personal. He recalled an instance when Sakura put herself in harm’s way during an early battle –before the war had truly started –to reach and heal an injured soldier. She and the soldier escaped alive, but it had been a close call. It was one of the few times he’d ever raised his voice at her. But it was because he’d been scared; he’d wanted to talk some sense into her so she wouldn’t do it again. He’d attacked her personality, claiming she was too caring for her own good.

It was only when he started half-heartedly playing with the idea that there was some genuine concern behind her actions that Subaki felt himself calm. Her worries were misplaced, he thought, finally beginning to feel self-satisfied. What real harm could pushing yourself do? In his entire life, he’d only ever seen himself improve from hard work. Granted, his bout of depression this morning was unnecessary and unproductive –noted. Next time he decided to take a break, he would make a point of not being dramatic about it.

He heard the pegasi a few feet away chewing on the grass. The younger one kept prancing about, its hooves making light sounds on the earth. Tenba was snorting indignantly. He felt the sun on the top of his head. His head felt lighter than it had all week. His eyelids too, felt so light they were almost not there, as if a breeze would be enough and his would open again. It was amazing what a little extra sleep could do. He was aware of Selena’s presence, as if she was another source of energy, blaring down against his skin. His extreme resentment had now simmered into a tingling sort of humbleness. He didn’t enjoy the thought of others being worried about him, since it implied they thought he was incapable. But her sentiments had never been clouded by the idea he was superhuman anyways, so he took her concern as a positive gesture rather than a negative one. Funny, how perception could change things.

Eventually he forgot all about why he was here with Selena, and he supposed that was the point of the exercise. He only snapped out of it when he heard the distinct sound of Tenba slapping his lips together.

He opened his eyes to see Selena fetching (another?) sugar cube out of her pocket. Tenba was waiting anxiously, with his head dipped low to the ground.

“Hey!”

Two heads turned in unison, caught in the act. Taking his chance, Tenba leaned in quick for the treat before prancing away.

“Sugar rots his teeth..!”

She stood up, and he followed suit. “Pfft. What’s he need perfect, white teeth for?”

They stood in silence a while, both seemingly a bit awkward, now that the raw emotions had dissipated.

She took a deep breath. “I’m sorry I’m particularly abrasive towards you sometimes. You remind me of someone I used to know.”

“An enemy? Rival?”

“Heh. Not exactly.”

“Well, then this friend must have liked you a lot to put up with this… abrasiveness.”

“Well, you’re still here, aren’t you?”

He thought about this for a moment. “I suppose that must mean I like you well enough.” He smiled ruefully.

“Alright there, Prince Charming.”

“Although I’m clever enough to understand your harsh words come from a place or caring.”

“Th-they do not! Don’t flatter yourself. Are we going to saddle up, or what?” She walked up to Yusha. The pegasus beat the ground with it’s hooves as she gave it a pat on the neck.

“Is this the training guy?” She dipped her eyes between its legs. “Err, girl?”

Pegasi generally grew comfortable with only one or two riders –any more than that and there was an imperfect bond that seemed to affect not only their performance but also their temperament. Sky knights generally had one pegasus all to themselves. Unfortunately, sometimes training had to be started before a young pegasus was available. This one was dedicated to such purposes –it never had a consistent rider. He and Hinoka had discussed this issue at length before, and had agreed that there were few alternatives. Unfortunately, such a pegasus would simply never learn to behave itself properly.

“Her name is Yusha. Ah, actually, I’ll be riding her –you can fly Tenba.” He’d made this decision on the spot. He had a hunch Tenba would be receptive to her, despite him not having had had any other singular rider before. It was rather personal having someone else ride your pegasus alone, but for some reason he couldn’t quite articulate he felt this was appropriate. “You’ve already won him over with treats anyways.”

Perhaps Selena was aware of this significance, because she looked surprised, despite him making the statement appear nonchalant.

“Alright then big guy, let’s check your saddles…” When they’d made their adjustments to their riding gear, Selena got onto Tenba without any issues, even knowing to use the wing for assistance (and Tenba, being a gentleman, offering the assistance).

After settling Yusha, he rode over to wait next to Selena and Tenba. “I have the feeling I don’t need to tell you the commands. Nice try, playing it off as if you didn’t know what you were doing.” Tenba seemed surprisingly unbothered by the new rider on his back, although he kept glancing at Subaki, perhaps surprised at him being beside rather than atop of him for once.

“As if you would just suggest I ride a pegasus if you thought I had no experience beforehand. Unless this whole thing had just been an elaborate plot to get me killed?”

He chuckled and went over the route. There were obstacles throughout the sky above the field, in a sort of vertical set of obstacles. It was his understanding that they remained in the air through the aide of magic. The different components were routinely switched out at Hinoka’s discretion, so that there would be new ways to practice aerial maneuvers. It had been switched since he was last here with Tenba two days ago.

“Any questions?”

“No I got it.” He noticed now an unusual expression on her face. Something akin to apprehension, but with a bit more sadness.

“…Nervous?”

“Just experiencing some déjà vu.”

He decided to leave it at that. He counted them down. “Three… two… one…”

They both tapped their mounts neck, indicating a short run followed by a jump to become airborne. Subaki had been so preoccupied with the thought of having someone else ride Tenba he hadn’t considered how strange it would be for him to ride anything else –he’d experienced nothing but Tenba for nearly a decade. Yusha was a bit imprecise on the controls, he noted as he directed her to weave between some floating metal panels. Thankfully, she was fast. He heard Selena right behind him. Risking a look behind, she was getting through the obstacles much more cleanly, but she seemed reluctant to push him to maximum speed.

“Slowpoke!” He called out as he cleared the panels, picking up speed to a set of hoops. The hoops were massive, but they shrunk in diameter as the course continued, requiring the wings be tucked in closer and closer to the body. Tenba and Selena finally overtook them between two of the hoops. Taking the opportunity, he observed her form: aiming for more speed, she hung low to Tenba’s back to reduce wind drag. The only sign of any inexperience was the tightness she appeared to hold the reins with, as if she were still unused to being quite so high. He doubted anything would happen, but he was now glad he’d let her ride Tenba, since he’d been trained in all the emergency catching procedures should she somehow become dislodged and fall.

Subaki decided to quit playing around and overtake her again. They were entering the final obstacle; a wind spell which sent gusts in random directions for a hundred meters or so. Past that was a post the riders had to touch, before going through the obstacle course again to reach the ground.

As he gained speed and passed Selena, one of her pigtails smacked him in the face. He heard her titter and Tenba snort as he overtook them and eventually touched the post. He willed Yusha back into the wind, so they could complete the course going in the opposite direction.

Subaki ended up winning, landing solidly on the ground with a solid 20 seconds or so over Selena. Her landing was a little clumsy. He got off Yusha to make sure she was alright.

“Good time! You doing ok?”

“I’m fine.” She said, although her hands were visibly trembling and she looked a little pale. When she swung a leg over to prepare to get off, she seemed to lose her balance a little bit. She steadied herself on Subaki’s offered arm before hopping down.

“Ok, ok. Not fine. Thank you.” She gripped his forearm with her feet now on the ground for a few moments before letting go.

“That was amazing, Selena! You could be reclassed –you’re definitely good enough to qualify for your own pegasus.” Overall he was impressed. He’d been expecting as much, but actually seeing it still surprised him. That he won was almost irrelevant.

“Pfft. So I can be on a high-horse like you? No thanks. I prefer the ground beneath my feet and a sword in my hand thank you very much.”

Tenba was nudging him playfully, so Subaki gave him the attention he was looking for, patting him heartily on the nose.

“So… you said you were having déjà vu. Did you do better this time?”

She snorted. “No, I lost that time too.”

“Who were you racing?” He knew he was encroaching on personal territory, but this time he didn’t have any ulterior motive other than genuine curiosity.

She seemed to steel herself before answering. “My mother.” Her tone was mild, but her voice sounded thin. Surprisingly, she elaborated. “She was a pegasus knight too. A damn good one. Probably better than you.” She attempted a smirk. “I’d actually trained to be one too before… well, before I decided I didn’t want to anymore. Anyways, my mom wanted to see what I could do. She ended up saying the same thing you did.

“Did you tell her to shove it, too?”

“I sure did. I don’t have the energy to be second-best at something trivial like flying a winged horse.”

“I see.”

Selena seemed to be feeling better, the colour had returned to her cheeks.

“Want to grab some dinner?”

“Absolutely.”

 

 

Subaki woke to the sound of his door clicking shut. He immediately shot up in his bed, wondering in his half-asleep state if there’d been an intruder. As he quickly put on his slippers and robe, he saw a scribbled note left on his table.

 

Riding Tenba into town to go shopping. Be back later.

-S

_What?_

As he struggled himself into appropriate clothes, he kept thinking that she couldn’t be serious. That this had to be an elaborate joke. But when he jogged up to the stables and saw her tightening the saddle straps, he realized he was mistaken.

“Hey!” He couldn’t even come up with something to say that would adequately express his indignation.

“Well, I guess I was wrong assuming you would be sleeping in again this morning?” She looked as though she’d been caught with her hand inside the cookie jar.

“You can’t just… just borrow my _war horse_ whenever you please to…” he struggled with the word, “shop!”

“Why not?” To his dismay she hopped on. “It’s much faster flying than riding on the ground. And I’ve seen your schedule –I _know_ you don’t need him until mid-afternoon.”

He was planning on continuing his schedule proper again today. She was right, of course, but it still seemed inappropriate to hijack someone else’s weapon and companion of war for personal enjoyment. He told her as much.

“What’s the big deal? I bring a sword with me wherever I go. Never know what kind of hooligans you’ll run into outside the dragon realm.” She patted the hilt of her sword for emphasis. “So do you want to come along or what? Because I kind of wanted to get there before everything gets busy…” He noted that she had dressed up slightly for the occasion; usual training linens and leathers exchanged for a flowery skirt and matching ribbons. She looked nice –but he was in no mood to comment on that now.

He raised his arms in exasperation.

“Fine! But at least let me drive my own pegasus.”

When they arrived in the little town, people were already walking about doing their daily errands. It was jarring, being back in the “regular” world after staying inside the dragon realm for so long. At least this place had so far been spared the attention of the faceless, who routinely emerged to attack unprotected towns.

They landed a few hundred meters from the edge of town, and they both got off. Walking around with a huge white pegasus would already draw enough attention; no need to land directly in the middle of the town square.

“So why are you here again?” Last time Subaki had come it was to buy the farming adapter. He was annoyed that he was reminded of that again.

“To look at things. Buy things. Eat things.” She was already veering off to one side of the road, so she could get a good view inside the windows as they walked by.

“But what do you need?”

She looked at him as though he was absurd. “I don’t _need_ anything.”

Need was apparently not a criterion when it came to shopping. She was able to find some small trinket or bauble at almost every shop. Somehow she even managed to convince him to buy a few things; it was hard to argue with the logic that unless you owned 365 of anything, you could never have too many. She also exploited his weakness to scented soaps. It wasn’t long before they’d finished browsing the one side of the main street, paper bags filled with goods weighing them down. He followed her across the street –apparently they were going to be thorough and cover the other side too.

He felt the start of a headache. He figured it was his body asking him for some caffeine. Who was he to argue?

“Wanna grab a tea?”

She paused, then burst out laughing.

“What?”

“Sorry, that’s like Laslow’s catchphrase. Except with him it’s always, like, in a romantic context.”

For some reason this had him feeling flustered. “Okay, well, I was trying to be nice—”

“No no, it’s a good idea. I’d love some tea. Or a coffee.”

Subaki still felt strangely put off as they entered a little Nohrian-style café.

“To be honest, to this day I still don’t know if he’s actually asking them for tea, or if it’s like, some weird euphemism. And at this point I don’t even wanna know.”

“Can we drop this now, please?”

They both took a seat near a dusty window, placing their bags along the sill. He supposed his arms were at least still getting a workout this morning.

Their drinks arrived after a short wait. He’d ordered himself some toast, and Selena bacon and eggs. The coffee wasn’t as good as Nyx’s, but at least his head began to feel better.

He appreciated the different atmosphere between them as they ate. “It’s nice to not be competing for once. Or fighting for our lives.” Indeed, this excursion had been a bit of an outlier compared to the past activities he’d engaged in with Selena.

“You’re forgetting the time we both nearly drowned in our own snot.”

“Or that.” He did still feel the pull to quickly return home and catch up on his training –now two mornings missed, but it was a dull pull instead of an urgent one. He was enjoying himself. “I’ll admit, I didn’t plan the race yesterday with any thought of you winning. Not really a real competition, that.”

“I figured. Why did you do it then?”

“That first night you joined our army, on the ship. I saw you visiting the stables.”

“You were the puker!”

He found himself laughing. “I was! I was so embarrassed, I think I would have died if you’d have found me. Needless to say, I don’t like boats.”

She gave him a calculating look, although amusement showed in her eyes. “What’s with this new, vulnerable Subaki? Who is this imposter?”

“As if. My act has never worked on you anyways. Besides, I had to re-even the playing field. You told me a bit about yourself yesterday, after all.”

She let out a hollow laugh. “Oh Subaki, you don’t know the first thing about me.”

 

 

He forced himself to put down his naginata only twenty minutes after picking it up. He would have liked to continue until bed, as per his routine, but he had one more unusual obligation he had to attend to.

He opened the door to the rec hall.

“He did come!” Hana was seated at the table in the corner with Kaze and Selena, shuffling a deck of cards.

“Of course he did –he never misses an opportunity to kick ass.” Despite her statement, Selena also seemed somewhat surprised to see him. He wished she wouldn’t make statements like that about a game he’d never played.

Indeed, he and Selena lost horrendously. He knew Hana would never let him live this down. Selena, despite their conversations, insisted he just needed more practice, and invited him to come next week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is the longest I've ever gone between chapter updates EVER. Sorry about that. I will finish this though, I promise. My schedule is pretty light this summer --I expect to have another update in July and another in August.
> 
> Next chapter will probably cover their in-game B and A supports (i.e. the cooking challenge) so keep an eye out for that.
> 
> To my readers: what is your opinion on sexual content? Generally I like to add a little bit of M-rated stuff but let me know if you have any opinions either way :)


	6. Cooking Mama

“Can you believe we’ve been scheduled for _four_ faceless expeditions this week? Sheesh…”

This casual complaint caused Subaki to look up from his book. He was propped up against his pillows, reading. Kaze had great taste in books, and his latest recommendation had Subaki up late for the second night in a row. Selena was sprawled out on the foot of his bed, nonchalantly, as though it were a sofa in a common area rather than a private piece of furniture in his personal space. She was flipping through a glossy paged magazine from the Nohrian capital –an artifact from a more peaceful time. Her eyes were similarly glossed over; it was a wonder they were both still awake, a testament to their shared stubbornness.

“We?”

Her glance switched lazily to his direction. “Well, yeah. Did you forget to check your orders this morning?”

Of course he’d checked. In fact, he’d gone to Corrin personally last week to request those shifts. Camp was beginning to be too distracting. Factors outside his control kept conflicting with his training, forcing him to idle longer than he’d like to. Earlier that week Tenba had somehow escaped the stables and Subaki had spent hours chasing him down. Just yesterday, one of Odin’s spells backfired and Subaki’s usual running trail was swarming with angry bees and completely impassable. Whatever the strange circumstances, Subaki figured it would be good to get some authentic combat experience to keep his skills sharp, and it just so happened Corrin was planning a new offensive to take back overridden villages. What he hadn’t counted on was Selena being dragged into it as well.

“I suppose I did.” The lie tasted sour –he hadn’t forgotten to check his mail in years –but it came easier than admitting he’d been the one to set up the shifts. Corrin was really championing the paired-combat tactic, but Subaki hadn’t expected it for low-risk expeditions.

Despite her drooping eyelids, her brows arched up in surprise. “See? You’re working too hard.”

 _If that were the case_ , he thought with annoyance, _I wouldn’t have bothered signing up for all those expeditions_.

He placed his gold-foil bookmark between the pages of his book and finally closed it. He untied his hair, feeling some of the tension leave his body as it fell loosely on his shoulders. He hoped Selena would take the hint and finally go to bed; she was going to have a long week thanks to him and staying up wouldn’t do her any favours.

“Why are you here again? I had a cat growing up –she used to do the exact same thing,” he mused. “Except she used to leave hairballs in my slippers.” Selena’s company wasn’t offensive, quite the opposite. But he should probably at least maintain the appearance of being irked by the woman so casually invading his space. Even before he’d been hired by Lady Sakura, when he’d been younger and lacking in discretion, there were certain boundaries. He wasn’t clear on how Nohrians used their bedrooms, but Subaki only ever recalled having woman in his bed for very particular activities.

Instead of a tired but snappy response he got silence. He shifted his knee to get a better look. She’d managed to fall asleep, head propped up by her elbow, her face pressed against her palm.

He was hit with a mild panic, spurred on by and expected feeling of affection that her drooling face had no right to provoke.

He reached over and nudged her shoulder. “Selena. Selena! Bedtime.”

Her eyes fluttered open then widened in shock. She took a sharp breath. It took her a few moments to catch her bearings.

“Heh. You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

She deflated, as if the short exchange sucked what little life there was out of her. “Subaki can you go the fuck to bed?”

He snorted. “I’m trying. Is that why you’re here? To pressure me into sleeping on time? –And no swearing in my room. It’s undignified.”

“Well it was worth a shot. You looked like sh –poo today. I’ve gotta stop Kaze from giving you all those books. Walk me to my room?”

For a dangerous second, he considered asking if she’d rather he carried her. It was the sort of thing he may have flirtatiously asked the castle girls years ago. Some of whom would have even agreed.

“Sure.”

By the time they’d made it to her door, he felt he had to address the side eyed glances she kept throwing his way.

“Is there something on my face?”

“Don’t laugh –”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“With your hair like that you kind of look like… my mom.” Despite her own warning she giggled.

“That’s not very nice.”

“Oh, no, my mom was beautiful, actually.”

The silence that hit as they decoded the thoughtless remark was tangible, and shocked him like a bucket of cold water.

“Uh.”

“Umm!”

He couldn’t bring himself to call her out and she didn’t seem to have the capacity to attempt to defend herself.

“...Goodnight!”

“Goodnight!”

When he returned to his room it felt unusually empty. He flopped onto the end of his bed, inhaling the smell of Selena’s cherry-scented soap. It had been quite a while since he’d allowed himself to take a woman to bed. This probably didn’t count, but it was enough to derail his thoughts for the night.

 

 

“Are you saying you’ve changed your mind?” Corrin was sitting casually at their table, idly looking through some papers. There was a proper administrative space in the castle, but it looked like work made it’s way into the treehouse after hours as well.

“No, of course not. I just didn’t realize Selena would be dragged in as well. In retrospect it was unfair for me to sign up for all those missions without consulting her first.”

“I agree.”

The comment felt like a slap. “I wasn’t aware the usual tactic pairs would apply.”

Corrin finally stopped shuffling the papers and stared Subaki straight in the eyes. “Well, what are you suggesting? I’ve already fiddled with the schedules. I can’t swap you out now, it’s too late. It would be an administrative nightmare.”

“Not me! Just Selena.”

“And you would fight without a partner?”

He didn’t allow himself time to dwell on it. “Yes. They’re just faceless.” The creatures were beyond stupid. Although tough, if a bit of strategic thought was applied they weren’t particularly troublesome. At least a handful of other volunteers would be deployed as well, so it wouldn’t be as if he’d be fighting completely alone.

Corrin observed him before finally replying, “You know, I thought you of all people would know Selena by now. How do you think she would feel if she found out you’d come to me, asking for her to be excused from upcoming missions?”

“Missions she was only scheduled for because of me!”

Corrin’s expression turned sour. “I wasn’t done.” A reprimanding silence followed. “And how do you think she would feel if she was excused and you ended up fighting alone and getting injured? Before you say it, I’m quite aware of your skills but fighting alone does no one any favours.”

“But what if _she_ gets injured? It would be my fault –”

“Subaki, if I may be so bold, it was _you_ who got injured during the last mission. Maybe you should show a bit of gratitude towards your partner instead of undermining them because of sentimentality.”

Subaki didn’t know how to respond to this. He felt he’d already crossed a line.

Corrin’s face softened a bit, almost apologetically. “Look, everything is already organized. If Selena came to me herself that would be a different story. But I think you and I can agree she probably won’t do that.” An eyebrow raised almost playfully.

“She _definitely_ won’t do that.”

“Well then my hands are tied.”

“Thank you for your time.” Subaki left through the trapdoor of the treehouse, feeling altogether worse than he had before the visit. Somehow going behind her back to excuse her felt like more of a betrayal than signing her up in the first place.

 

 

“You look like shit.”

Subaki was not expecting the blow to come from his right. In desperation, he turned his shoulder into it, so the hit from Selena’s practice sword hit his pauldron. It blocked the hit, but still sent uncomfortable vibrations down his arm.

“I doubt it.”

They were trying a new exercise; instead of taking turns practising blocking with their shields and sword, they were simulating where a weapon may have been accidentally dropped. As the defender, Subaki was simultaneously trying to block Selena’s hits while also finding an opportunity to grab the sword on the ground. He also had the added challenge of deflecting her verbal attacks as well.

“Why don’t you skip this afternoon and join me and Beruka in the attic? We’re on scavenging duty –but we mostly just chat and look through old antiques.”

He didn’t have the heart to admit Beruka gave him the creeps. “When you chat, does Beruka chat back?” That was only one of his questions –there was still the confusion at the idea of scavenging for things to finance the army in a castle that had been magically created. What kind of antiques manifest in an imagined realm? Shouldn’t Corrin, or at least Lilith, already have an idea of the inventory?

He saw her next blow coming, and put enough force into blocking with his shield that he managed to push her back two paces. His objective –the sword, was now in the space between them, rather than behind Selena.

“You know, I appreciate listeners. Beruka’s a listener. I don’t hold it against her.”

“Thanks for the suggestion but I’m politely declining your offer to derail my training. Again. As much fun as it would be to hear you talk to yourself amongst dusty objects.”

Selena made a bunch of hasty jabs in an effort to regain ground –and to let off her indignation. He didn’t allow her the satisfaction. When she finally slowed, he raised his shield to protect his head and neck, and then made a reach for the ground. He had to quickly retract his arm before it was hypothetically chopped off. He stood back up, the effort tiring him, only to be hit with more attacks –this time at a steadier pace. Selena was also tiring, the movements in her wrist becoming stiff, and her sword beginning to droop.

He made another attempt for the sword on the ground. This time, his fingers made contact and he was able to get a grip and pull it towards his body before she made the lunge.

They were on more equal footing now that they each had a weapon. He made quick work with his last burst of energy, and managed to deal a deadly tap to her neck.

“Euggghh,” Selena groaned dramatically, and sat herself down in the sand. “You got me. This exercise has merit, actually, though I’m in no rush to swap positions just yet.” She flung off her gloves and began tenderly massaging her hands.

He also sat down in the sand, although with a touch more grace. His arms were on fire. He wasn’t looking forward to switching roles either–the mere thought of swinging a sword exhausted him. “It’ll be your opportunity to finally beat me.”

She snorted. “At this point, I’d be happy just to manage to pull your head out of your ass.” She seemed to consider something a moment, before blurting, “Want to take a break and run to camp? We might still catch Nyx and the others for coffee.”

“Better yet, why don’t we call it a morning? We’re heading out tomorrow, after all. No point wasting our energy now.” He offered his hand and helped her up.

“The whole morning off! You won’t go spiralling into depression again, will you?” She gave him a rueful look.

“Maybe you should keep an eye on me, just in case?”

“My offer still stands. In case you want to make it a _whole_ day off.”

 

 

They were crouching behind the cover of an overgrown rose bush in the ally between two brick and mortar homes. Because of the terrain, Subaki had decided not to ride Tenba; he was hitched a safe distance away, ready to carry them back when they’d routed the enemy.

The village was small but dense, with many narrow streets and one-story houses that were close together. The faceless themselves weren’t difficult to beat in ideal situations, but it was hard to get them in a position that allowed both he and Selena to attack simultaneously. He and Selena were stalking a pair of faceless, hoping they would split apart so they could tackle them one at a time.

The two of them had been put in charge the Southwest quadrant; the other three pairs were taking care of the other three. Laslow and Mozu had already set off their flare –the Northeast quadrant was already clear.

Without warning, he felt a smack of soothing coolness hit him in the back, spreading from the point of impact directly between his shoulder blades.

He turned his head in annoyance. “What is your problem??” he whispered. The ugly creatures didn’t have particularly good senses, so he wasn’t too concerned about being heard, especially since they weren’t within eyesight.

“How do you like it, eh? That’s payback for earlier.”

“Selena, I was _healing_ you!”

“I didn’t _need_ healing!” She was probably right; he had probably been overly cautious. “If you’re going to waste precious supplies on cuts and scrapes then I’m going to do the same!”

A single pair of heavy footsteps caught their attention. They had the good sense to cut their argument short. They adjusted their position, hoping to get a glimpse of one of their targets.

Within the hour, they’d cleared their area, and regrouped with everyone in the center of town to head back to the dragon realm portal. He noticed Benny was resting his weight on Silas.

“What happened?” Subaki asked.

“It wasn’t even a faceless… I tripped on a floorboard and twisted my ankle.” Benny sounded almost embarrassed. One of you doesn’t happen to have a spare vulnerary on you, do you?”

He caught Selena’s eye and exchanged guilty glances before shaking their heads no.

It was a long trip back, with everyone taking their turn helping Benny.

 

 

“This time I’m going to win for sure. No one can beat me at cooking. It’s my specialty.”

They were in the spacious mess-hall kitchens. Subaki wondered if this was another one of her empty boasts. He tried to recall the last time he’d eaten when Selena was on cooking duty, but nothing stood out.

“I thought charades was your specialty? And swimming? And knitting? And—”

“OKAY.” The image of Selena in her swimsuit was still etched in his mind with alarming clarity.

They’d kept busy since they’d first spoken weeks ago. The time had passed in a blur of training and camp duties, punctuated by their alternative activities. For the first time ever, he wondered if he may actually run out of things to test his skill at. The war didn’t seem to be ending soon, nor did Selena’s capacity to rebound from a loss.

When he’d entered the kitchens earlier that day to prepare his noodles, Selena had already been busy at the counter with an array of ingredients spread out before her. His cabbages sat in crates at one end of the kitchen, having been harvested the day before.

Initially he’d planned a full-day exercise for himself to harvest them all, but to his dismay many of his friends _just so happened_ to be in the field, insistent on giving him a hand. Not for the first time this week, he’d felt cheated out of a full day’s work.

“Since we’ve finished so early, I guess you’ve no reason to not come to Euchre tonight, eh Subaki?” Kaze had asked the question in his usual amiable manner. Selena had looked awfully smug about the whole thing.

So instead of training last night, he and Selena ended up losing another few rounds of Euchre.

Thankfully, they were the first to cook with the cabbage, so the army wasn’t sick of it –yet. However, as he eyed the crates, he suspected it would be a staple for weeks to come. He decided on making ramen, a noodle soup in a pork stock , as well as cabbage rolls to make a dent in the cabbage supply. Once he’d made his noodles by hand that morning, he spent his time until lunch going through his exercises, arriving back at the kitchen afterwards to see Selena still hard at work.

He drained his cabbage. “So when are you going to give up? I’ve lost count of how many times we’ve competed like this. And you’ve yet to win one of these competitions. Most people would have given up already.” She didn’t offer a particular challenge in most of their activities; with her, the satisfaction came less from winning and more from her company. If anything, her reluctance to be impressed by anything he did just seemed to spur him on more.

“Sh-shut up! I’m not focusing on the past, Subaki. Today I’m going to win!” He grinned as he continued to work. “I’ve prepared a brand-new special stew. You’re not going to beat me this time!”

“A _special_ stew? That’s hard to believe.” Truthfully, the stew smelled amazing. His cabbage rolls, which were now cooling off, just smelled like, well, cabbage. They were both putting their final touches to their dishes, or cauldrons, rather. He initially wanted to make a fish-based dish as his main course but remembered Selena’s (and most Nohrian’s) aversion to seafood, and he didn’t want that to cloud the judgement. Ramen was generally enjoyed by even the pickiest of eaters but would still qualify as a “delicacy” by the standards of army food.

“Now you’re just being cruel. You haven’t even tried any. How would you know?”

“I think you already know the answer to that question. I’m brilliant!” He filled a bowl with a metal ladle and brought it to the counter. They would taste-test each and decide.

“That’s what you always say. But I know your secret –you don’t have _me_ fooled. You’re not all _that_ brilliant. And you’re certainly not perfect. No one’s perfect.”

This paradox again; the more he wished to impress her the less impressed she seemed. And although her words bothered him less and less, her approval was as elusive as ever. “Well, this _soup_ is going to be perfect.”

He noticed her hands resting on the counter and stopped what he was doing. “Selena, what’s with the cuts all over your hands?” He bent down slightly to get a better look. There were shallow cuts on her fingers, scattered between red and blistering skin. “How did you get them?”  She jerked her hands away from his inspection, hiding them in the front pocket of her apron.

“I-I got them from fighting, obviously.”

They didn’t look like typical injuries one got from fighting. He didn’t remember her getting anything like that when they were battling the faceless –nor during their training. She often wore heavy leather gloves for protection anyways.

“Cuts and… burns?”

“They’re all just battle injuries. That’s all! Pay them no mind.”

He ignored her and managed to coax one of her hands back out into the open. He inspected it gently in his own hands. It suddenly became clear that these were cooking injuries.

“Selena, you can’t just hurt yourself like this. Even if it is just from cutting vegetables.”

“N-no that’s not…! Can you just mind your own business?”

“Let’s find some gauze and at least wrap these up before we start serving any food… did you grab the pot without looking?” but she was already trying to tug her hand back out of his grip.

When it was free she promptly crossed her arms to her chest. “Grr… Fine! I admit it! You’re right about everything!”

Subaki responded mildly, “well, my powers of observation are second to none.” He was already opening the various drawers in the kitchen, trying to find wrappings or ointment or something.

“Why does it matter? Not everyone can be perfect like you!” The word perfect was dripping with contempt. Clearly, he’d struck a nerve; it had barely been a moment since she adamantly declared he wasn’t perfect at all. “Can’t you just be polite and ignore people’s missteps? Would it kill you? Or does it feed your ego so much you can’t help it?”

“But you’re hurt!” he heard himself saying. This only seemed to infuriate her more, somehow. He wished he knew how to de-escalate the situation. He took a deep breath, “Selena, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. Look, I found some gauze –give me your hands and I’ll patch them up real quick.”

She backed away from him and the roll of gauze in his hand. “How could you ever understand my feelings? You can’t relate to anyone when you’re just trying to show everyone up!”

Her irrationality was irking him. “I’m not trying to show anyone up right now! I just want to clean up your hands!”

“I don’t want your help! _Oh, poor Selena can’t even cut vegetables!_ Screw off!” She looked upset –like a trapped animal- as though the gauze were some kind of weapon he was threatening her with rather than medical aid.

“Fine, just bleed all over the food then, see if I care! It’s not like you need to use your hands for _important_ things like killing faceless. Oh wait!”

He backed off slightly, giving her room to push past him and towards the door. She slammed the lid on her pot as she passed. “I’m leaving!” Without even taking off her apron, she exited through the heavy swinging kitchen door.

He was left feeling dazed, watching the door swing until it finally stopped. When he finally caught up with what happened, he quickly covered his own food and ran out after her, but it was too late. He still held the stupid gauze tightly in his one hand. He threw it to the ground in frustration.

 

 

“Are you… _pursuing_ her?”

“What?” He found himself unable to answer the question, although he didn’t think such an invasion of privacy was necessary worthy of a response. “Why is that any of your business, anyways?”

He’d run into Hana in the weapons shed. He hadn’t seen Selena at dinner and was beginning to get worried, so he’d begun to check around camp. Hana seemed like a reasonable person to ask –she and Selena got along quite well now. Her smile only widened at his avoidance of the question. She grinned in what he could only assume was some sort of show of conspiratorial comradery.

“Oh Subaki, I’m so proud of you!”

Clearly something about his manner had given Hana the wrong idea.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. If you don’t know where she is, you could have just said so. I’m leaving.”

She continued, even as he turned on his heel, eager to get away. “I’m so glad _something’s_ come up to distract you from, well, yourself. I think it’s a good step.”

He wanted to tell her that getting involved with Selena has done the opposite of getting his mind off his own shortcomings, but that would make it sound like she was on to something and he refused to give her that satisfaction. He left her in the weapons shed where he’d found her, a smug look on her face.

By the time the sun set, he’d neither found Selena nor gotten to anything on his to-do list. He walked towards the kitchens again, as though there’d be some sort of hint to what he should do waiting there for him. The kitchen was spotless –he’d taken over cleanup duty after dinner in case Selena had decided to show up later.

He considered the food. Her dish had actually been far better than his –her first and only win. And she wasn’t even around to gloat.

He embraced the silence of the space and attempted to deconstruct what had really been bothering Selena, much like he’d tried to deconstruct the remnants of her stew after dinner. Surely there was more to their spat than him pointing out her injuries –they often criticized one another, so he couldn’t understand why this time was any different. Was she embarrassed? Had he been overly condescending? Perhaps it was only a matter of time before his winning streak got to her? To Subaki, this seemed ridiculous –no matter how many times he’d come out victorious, he was certain Selena had seen him make a fool of himself countless times in the process. To have anyone else claim he was perfect was matter of course, but to have her make a similar remark seemed almost like a farce. Surely she was more aware than anyone about his own faults?

And there was the inconsistency: to impress everyone else, he had to be perfect. But with Selena, she seemed to draw closer only when he revealed himself to be incompetent, irrational, or awkward. The truth was, he was somewhere in the middle. Any semblance of perfection came only with effort –and Subaki was never shy with expending effort. Neither was Selena, although her dividends tended to be less favourable. But while he tried to keep his efforts hidden, Selena had no shame in the effort she put into things.

He considered her hands, cut and burned from her success.

He had endured his own struggles to get where he was now. (Where he was _still_ going, because true perfection was elusive) Normally he’d feel ashamed if he was called out on his efforts. But what did it matter how hard someone had tried to get somewhere? Why was it so important to him that everyone thought everything he did was effortless? It wasn’t effortless –he worked damn hard to get where he was.

He felt the tiniest flicker of understanding.

How long and how hard did Selena work to make her stew? He was going to find out.

 

 

It was after dawn when his thoughts were interrupted by the door swinging open. His head snapped up from the bubbling pot. It was Hana, looking concerned.

He probably looked like a mess. Thankfully, he was tired enough to not be thinking too rationally anyways. The kitchen was a disaster and stunk of cabbage. He’d stopped cleaning up after himself after the 2nd attempt. His fourth was currently bubbling over the fire.

“Good morning, Hana.”

“Subaki are you… are you alright? Is everything okay?”

For the second time in 24 hours she posed a question he couldn’t quite answer. He avoided giving an answer. “What are you doing here?”

“That’s rich, coming from you in this state.” Her remark had less bite in it than normal. “Before you flatter yourself, I’m here because I’m on breakfast duty, but I’m glad I ran into you –I was worried when I didn’t pass you on the trail this morning.”

“Mmm.” He took the pot off the fire, hoping this time it turned out better. He would have to wait for it to cool off or he was going to burn his tongue… again.

“Is it bothersome?”

“What?”

She leaned herself on the counter, watching him disinterestedly as he looked for a clean spoon. “Having to try to get what you want for once?”

He eyed his stew. She must be able to tell it wasn’t turning out well. “Hana… I’ve always tried. At everything. I’m sorry I fooled you into thinking otherwise.”

“Hmmph. You aren’t as sly as you think.” She continued to linger. When he didn’t respond she rolled her eyes, clearly exasperated. “I wasn’t talking about your _stew_ you dolt.”

He remained silent, processing the remark.

“Why her?” She shook her head as soon as the question left her mouth, as though she was unable to help herself. “Sorry –that was rude. I didn’t mean it like that –Selena’s great. I mean it. It’s just… she and I have a lot in common, yet… you’ve never been spurred into this… mess.” She gestured at the kitchen in its entirety. “I started to think your stubborn superiority couldn’t be broken by anything –much less by a stubborn woman not unlike myself.”

He threw away his cautious discretion, overcome with both shock and incredulity, the brunt of which he was sure he would only feel once he’d gotten some sleep. “Are you jealous?”

In an almost knee-jerk reaction she scoffed, bringing back her normal persona. “As if. I’ll find myself someone who can actually make a decent stew.” There was something guarded in her response. He thought of Hana and the years they’d spent together under Sakura’s service. Perhaps his powers of observation weren’t as sharp as he’d assumed.

He decided it was best not to probe, and allowed her her privacy –even if she wasn’t allowing him his own.

“I hope you do.” He meant it.

She left after she’d fixed the camp’s humble breakfast and helped clean up some of his mess, ambiguously wishing him luck.

He was thankful; He’d had many revelations that night, and all of them pointed to him needing all the luck he could get.

 

 

“Oh? Subaki? Are you okay? Geez, you look exhausted. Hana told me to come find you here.” He couldn’t believe how Selena could casually walk into the kitchens that morning and act like nothing happened. He wondered if that was her way of apologizing –or her way of rubbing salt in the wound. And here he was, after having not slept and after having no fewer than 3 mental breakdowns during the night.

“Well I haven’t slept much lately.” It was such an understatement, he nearly laughed. “I’ve been working on this.”

She glanced at the copper pot in his hands. “And what’s in there…?”

“It’s attempt number five to make your stew from yesterday. I thought I would give your recipe a try. But the truth is… I failed completely. It tastes and smells like spoiled cabbage.” He wiggled his pinky, showcasing a bandage covering a shallow cut he’d given himself in the attempt.

“But… That’s impossible. I thought you never made any mistakes?”

He laughed sardonically. “The truth is, I hate to let anyone see me making mistakes. Even with all that practice, I still can’t be an expert at everything..” He hoped the sleepless hysteria creeping in his voice didn’t take away from his statement.

“Subaki…”

“I’m not flawless, and I’m certainly not a genius. I just work hard and practice so that people will think that I’m perfect.” He couldn’t believe he’d been able to get the words out –saying it to Hana hadn’t felt so raw.

“Wow… Haha…. Ahahahahahaha!”

“Hey, hold on! It’s not very nice of you to laugh right in my face. I’m trying to open up. Wait… Are you crying?” He put down the pot on the counter and brought himself closer. He put a hand on her shoulder, as she continued to shake with laughter.

“I’m s-sorry. It’s just that talking to you reminds me of my mother. She passed away some time ago, but like you she was extraordinarily gifted. Everyone in town called her brilliant.”

“I see…” His powers of observation didn’t warn him that her mother was dead. It was a surprise, though he decided now was an inappropriate time to probe.

“People have compared me to her, ever since I was little… She was my role model, so I worked as hard as I could to be just like her. But no matter how many hours of work I put in, I could never compare to her.”

His stomach lurched. “Selena, don’t say that.”

“That’s why I got so competitive with you. I felt like I had to win. I wanted to prove that through hard work I could best someone like you. But now I realize we’re both the same. Or perhaps I’d always sort of known… maybe that’s why I find you so… –I found you tolerable.”

“You were… continuing something you’d started with your mother...?”

“Every time you seemed to effortlessly do something amazing, you reminded me of her. It… hurt. It even made me upset. It made me revisit some unpleasant memories. And yet… I miss her. My mother.” She paused. “And then, when you messed up or worked yourself too hard you reminded me of myself instead. I’d never been able to see myself in my mother. It’s a nasty familial mess but I guess you could say you helped me put some old demons into perspective.”

“For what it’s worth, I think I’ve been fighting some demons myself. Maybe we should keep on fighting them together?”

“Hahaha… It’s funny, but I feel close to you right now. And a little relieved.”

“Ha. I’m right there with you!” Truth be told, he was quite confused and a little overwhelmed (and also very tired), but whatever Selena was going through seemed almost therapeutic and he didn’t want to interrupt that.

“It’s wonderful to realize we’re really on the same playing field. Next time, I won’t hold back on you, Subaki! You better be prepared! I’m going to beat you during our next competition!”

“Hahaha… In terms of sheer determination, I think you’re already the champion.”

“By the way, that stew?”

“Yeah?”

She tugged his shoulder, bending him down enough that she was able to whisper in his ear, giving him goosebumps. “The secret ingredient is _bear_ meat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update; I was planning on doing two updates during July and August but it looks like it'll just be this one. My personal life has been a bit of a mess lately ;;;;
> 
> If this was a platonic story it could probably end here. BUT. It's not a platonic story.


	7. Team Player

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate Chapter Title: Subaki gets so drunk the narrator's POV switches to Selena.

Selena took a swig from her waterskin. They were resting beneath a tree by the sand pits, both sweaty from their morning exercise. After a tumultuous week of fighting the faceless, regular training felt comparatively mundane and monotonous. Subaki figured he should have reason to be apprehensive about the upcoming excursion into unknown territory –no more clearing deserted villages of mindless monsters –but he was almost excited to be put back to service. His duties as a retainer, such as they were back in Hoshido, had more or less disappeared, and without any battles to fight, being part of the army was losing its novelty.

“By the way, Hana won’t be able to meet you for weapons practice this afternoon.”

Subaki’s spirits plummeted. “What? Why not?” Hana had been teasing him with stories of a new technique she’d picked up, and he had been looking forward to seeing it. And mastering it.

“We’re going shopping –there’s that thing coming up next week, remember? We need to buy stuff to wear.”

Subaki groaned. “Hana already has half a dozen things to wear. She doesn’t _need_ anything.”

Selena waved her hand flippantly. “Be nice. It was my idea. Why don’t you use it as an excuse to take the afternoon off? I’d invite you to come with us, but you two have been acting weird and I’d rather stay clear of that drama.” Despite her words, she’d left a clear invitation at the end of her sentence for him to elaborate.

He decided to decline the invitation, although he was gracious enough to allow the opportunity to pass to point out _interrupting training_ and _passing on messages_ for Hana’s _sake_ wasn’t necessarily helping to move things in the right direction.

“Going back to the derailment of my afternoon, I can’t help but notice my schedule has had more holes in it lately than a Nohrian cheese.” Selena sputtered and coughed midway through another sip.

“Rough luck. I blame mismanagement. Corrin’s been slipping lately—”

“—I  blame _you_.”

“Me?” Her voice raised in a question, with as much indignation injected into the one syllable as she could muster. “Just because you’re upset about your afternoon doesn’t mean you can just start pointing fingers.”

“So you’re saying you have nothing to do with it?” Subaki wasn’t randomly pointing fingers; after the second time Tenba escaped the stables he started asking around and found out (from Mozu) that Selena had taken the spare key to his stall. When the practice weapons weren’t in the shed a few days ago, he discovered Selena was on rotation to inspect them, and was doing so when he usually did his evening practice. The coincidences were many, and although he couldn’t pin her for all of them, there was an obvious trend.

“And what on earth would my motive be?”

He faltered. “I don’t know! Maybe this is part of one of your weird competition things? Or maybe you just like to shit disturb?”

Her look of defiance was nearly shattered as her lips quivered at his profanity. For some reason, she always got a kick when he threw some Nohrian swear words into his vocabulary. He thought it was uncouth and it always felt awkward on his lips, but her amusement only encouraged him to continue the habit.

“This has nothing to do with _our_ competition thing. But I _do_ love to shit disturb.” She seemed to deflate a bit, her mirth deserting her somewhat. “You work yourself too hard, Subaki. That’s all.”

Although he wasn’t surprised by her admission, he felt annoyed nonetheless. “And that’s for you to decide?”

“Believe it or not, people _can_ work themselves to death.” She looked like she was about to continue, but then she decided against it.

“You’re worried about me?” This notion still had the capacity to soften him.

Selena rolled her eyes. “No, I love it when my friends die from their stupidity.”

“You know, I think people generally talk about these kinds of things… have a conversation, you know?”

She stood up and dusted herself off. “Don’t act like I haven’t told you to stop pushing yourself so hard before. You just don’t like listening.”

“I’m listening now.”

“Hmmph. Are you, now? Well, I hope you aren’t expecting me to start begging.”

“You’re just going to get Odin to flood the running trail again?”

She smirked, making him flush. Subaki had the feeling more and more lately like they were edging dangerously close to flirting. “Maybe.”

He felt a tug at his insides. “Okay, Selena. I’ll slow down a bit.” He tried to ignore the significance of his admission.

“… And what’s in it for you?”

He felt his blush deepen. She knew by now that he was stubborn –to have him agree to her request was suspicious. He himself didn’t quite understand why it seemed like less of a big deal now. “Well, if it makes you happy. Plus, I mean, there’s some truth to what you’re saying,” he added quickly. “I don’t think those faceless we battled last week pushed me, or anyone, too hard. I don’t think I’m in desperate need of more training. It’s just… “he realized he was oversharing, as he often found himself doing with Selena, “I like to overcompensate for my own perceived failures.”

“Deep.

“I’m being serious!”

“No one _sees_ your failures, Subaki.”

“I do!”

“Well stop looking so damn hard.” She played with a stray thread on her coat. “You’re pretty cool when you aren’t dead on your feet.”

He blinked in surprise. “I am, aren’t I?”

“I’m still borrowing Hana this afternoon though.”

Subaki flopped back down on the sand. He called out to her as she left. “Can you bring back my ankle weights? Don’t say you didn’t take them.”

She called out behind her, “Come to my room tomorrow morning after your run and pick them up.”

She didn’t even _deny_ it.

 

 

As he stood outside Selena’s door, he felt like he was at the edge of something forbidden. In a show of the universe’s irony, he’d fallen for this stubborn, temperamental, passionate and talented red-haired woman. It was something he tried to keep in his mind’s periphery, shoved deep into the corner of his consciousness somewhere. He didn’t even want to allow himself to entertain the idea of _them_.

Subaki knew he’d been fortunate in his life thus far, in that all the material things, achievements, vocation, lifestyle and baubles he’d wanted he’d obtained. But Selena deserved perfection and he knew now that he couldn’t give it to her. It was humbling, but also a warning to himself. She wasn’t just something for him to conquer, another challenge to master or overcome. Nothing trivial like the other women who he’d had brief infatuations and encounters with. She was out of his league, she had truly defeated him, and she had no idea.

“Well? Are you coming in or what?”

Although she had burst into his own room uninvited at least half a dozen times at this point, some Hoshidan sense of gentry prevented him from casually crossing the threshold into her space. It was private. It was personal. And from his viewpoint just outside the doorway, he could tell it was surprisingly girly –magenta walls, frilly fabrics and scented candles filled the space.

“Subaki, can you please not make this weird? Why are you being weird?”

He braced himself as subtly as possible and stepped inside. She closed the door behind him which honestly just made him feel worse.

“Is shutting the door necessary? What is it you wanted to show me?” He forced his eyes to stop wandering –seeing her various trinkets spread about made him feel like he was invading her privacy despite being invited there. He just wanted to retrieve his ankle weights! It was only a casual remark during yesterday’s dinner when she mentioned having something else to show him.

She walked past him to her desk and began rummaging through one of her drawers, answering as she did so. “Uh, yeah, it is absolutely necessary. This is top secret stuff. And can you stop acting like I’m going to pull a dagger and assassinate you? If I wanted to kill you I would have just poisoned your coffee.”

“You know, when we first met I wondered if you were an assassin…” he commented mildly, finding that chatter made him less awkward as he stood on her pink plush carpet.

“You flatter me.” She turned around, a medium sized box in hand. “This is where I keep _it_.”

“It,” he echoed stupidly, forcing himself to not look at what was scribbled on the various parchments on her desk.

She opened the lid to reveal an entire box of lacy underwear –

“Selena!” He shrieked, “This isn’t funny! Just because in Hoshido we don’t invite our friends over to –”

“Can you relax? This is all part of my masterful disguise. And I was right; half the army wouldn’t even bother digging further into this box.” She put her hand in, felt around a bit, then pulled something out in a clenched hand. Subaki leaned in slightly.

When she opened her hand, there was a small, smooth stone, almost a perfect sphere, grey in colour, with specks of iridescence throughout. He looked back up at her, trying to get a clue as to what this was, why it was significant, and how he should consider reacting.

“Touch it.”

“When his tentative finger brushed the surface, even without any extensive training in magics he could tell it was potent. The vaguely electric feel of magic was combined with a unique sensation he could only liken to forgetting a nice dream right after you wake up. He quickly brought his hand away again, as if burned.

“Selena, what is this? Why are you showing it to me?”

She took a step backwards and sat on the chest at the end of her bed, placing the box beside her. She looked unusually solemn as she removed her gloves and prodded the stone herself. “Sometimes I just poke it like this because it makes me feel like I’m home again…” She removed her hand, businesslike again. “Look, I don’t know what you’ve managed to piece together, but I’ll pretend you’re completely ignorant. I’m not from here. Not Nohr, not this continent, not this time. This, “she raised the small stone, “is how me, Laslow, and Odin are going to be going home when this,” she gestured vaguely, “is all over. It’s how we got here in the first place. Well, partly.”

He tried to process this. He’d stopped investigating her story when things began to seem both too bizarre and too personal. Perhaps things really were just that bizarre. “Where are you from?”

“It doesn’t really matter –you wouldn’t have heard of it. Likely, it doesn’t exist properly yet anyways. Through my investigating I’m guessing it’s at least a thousand or so years into the future.”

“You’re from the future?” His voice was deadpan in shock. “But… why?”

“Why? I didn’t decide when to be born, Subaki! I’ve been brought back to make sure everything happens as it should. It’s kind of my shtick. We were sent here to protect someone –Corrin, I suspect.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“In case I die.”

“Why are you saying that?” He could tell his voice came out harsh by the way she recoiled slightly.

Her fist closed around the pebble, almost protectively. “In case I die! I want to make sure Odin and Laslow can make it back home. They… I didn’t tell them where I hid it. I trust them but –I thought it was better this way.”

A grim thought came to mind which he struggled to put into words. “Selena, if there’s a circumstance where you end up dead I would almost certainly be dead myself.”

“You don’t know that. You don’t strike me as someone who dies easily. Especially if you stick to your word and take a day off every now and then.” She nudged him playfully, though he wasn’t in the mood to make light of the situation.

He swallowed his next statement, before he really ended up saying too much.

_I would die before I let anything happen to you._

Forgetting his past reservations, he sat down next to Selena on the bench as the next obvious take-home from this conversation hit him; Selena would be leaving one day.

He looked down when he felt something heavy land in his lap.

“Your weights.”

Subaki had forgotten that’s what he’d come here for in the first place. “Oh, right. Thanks.”

They sat a while, both seemingly lost in their own thoughts.

“I’ll miss you. When you leave.”

“Hey, we have a war to win first.

 

 

“So what time are you picking me up tonight?”

“I beg your pardon?” They were repairing one of the stable stalls. Or to be more specific, Subaki was. Selena was being rather chatty, happy to sit on her stool and hand him nails. He’d opted to help with chores around camp, in part because they’d both been on faceless duty until late yesterday, and also in part to keep his promise and not overexert himself.

She looked at him like he had the intelligence of a lettuce. “The celebration? The one that’s all anyone’s been talking about since the army saved all those villages?”

“I wasn’t intending to go.” He’d attended many such events at Castle Shirasagi in the past. They were nice distractions during peaceful times –but he couldn’t justify spending his time participating in such frivolities. Especially since he was emotionally compromised and doing his best to avoid such situations.

He didn’t have time for a romantic relationship, not with a war raging and his duties to Sakura. Not that Selena was interested. Not that he was good enough for Selena. Not that Selena was even going to stay in this –this time and place for much longer anyways.

So no, Subaki had no intentions of going to the party.

Selena was clearly unimpressed. She dropped the pail of nails at her feet with an alarming clang and crossed her arms. “Subaki. Even _Shura_ is going. And he’s… well, old.”

“Why don’t you ask him to pick you up tonight then?” He smiled to himself but didn’t dare look up from his work to see her reaction.

“Maybe I will!”

 

 

“What is your problem??” Hana currently had him against a wall, somehow doing a very good job at blocking his escape despite her small stature. She also managed to yell at him in a whisper –Subaki was impressed.

“I don’t have problems.”

“You’ll have a problem in about two seconds it you keep it up, mister.” She raised a fist, threateningly. It was almost refreshing; they’d been a bit distant and _off_ since their encounter in the kitchens. He was starting to miss her criticism.

He raised his hands defensively. “Okay, okay. Sorry. Explain.”

“Why the hell would you say that to Selena! Are you daft? ‘Go ask Shura’?? How do you think that makes her feel?”

“How do you even –can you stop butting into my personal life?”

“I don’t give two bronze about your personal life, Subaki,” he knew this to be a lie but let her continue regardless, “but I do care when I see my friend walking around feeling _dejected_.”

“Dejected? Selena?” His voice cracked.

“Yeah! That’s usually how people feel when they get turned down for a party! What, did you change your mind? You _too good_ for her now, too?”

He replayed the conversation in his head. He didn’t think her proposal was quite as formal as Hana was painting it to be. However, knowing Selena that might have been intentional. If nothing else, Selena had been bringing up this party thing quite often over the past week, although he didn’t recall ever suggesting he was even interested in going.

Why were women so confusing?

If he could talk to anyone about all this, he supposed it would be Hana. Especially since she’d effectively trapped him against the wall of the corridor leading from the lavatories.

“You’re getting this whole thing wrong!” He hesitated, “Well, half of it, anyways. She doesn’t feel _like that_ about me. So it doesn’t matter what I feel or want or think or anything. It’s not even worth this conversation.” He’d known women, intimately, and could tell when they were receptive to his advances.

It was hard to even compare Selena to the trivial court ladies of Hoshido, but if nothing else he felt confident that Selena didn’t have anything like romance on her mind. Hana was taking this all too seriously and damn her for even making him dig it up.

There was also the added fact that Selena would be returning to wherever she was from at the end of everything, but he couldn’t tell Hana that. “And she’s Nohrian, for goodness sake!” He added, in an attempt to flesh out his argument.

“Oh right, and you’ve always been so uptight about _that_!” She groaned. “You’re so stupid! You’re always so great at this, so great at that, always thinking of yourself, always too good for everything and everyone and now you go and decide to be inconsistent and… and stupid??”

“Selena doesn’t like me like that. We’re just friends.”

Hana finally lowered her arms, and backed away slightly. “Look, I’m not asking you to marry her. Just go with her to this stupid thing. Show her a good time –you used to be very good at that with the castle girls back when—”

He felt himself blush. “—Selena deserves better than that.”

Hana shrugged, looking almost sorry for him. “Look I’m just saying it wouldn’t hurt to go. And if you do, wear your purple obi.”

Subaki broke away from the conversation, feeling like he didn’t have anything else to say. He made a beeline to his room, eager to light some incense and see if he could find something worth reading and avoid anyone else as they began to bustle and get ready for the evening.

He had hardly lit the incense when he heard a knock at his door.

“Subaki’s not here,” he replied.

“O-oh… uhm…” His legs nearly gave out when he heard Sakura’s familiar stutter on the other side.

“Sorry Princess! One moment!” He gave a quick look around his room to make sure everything was presentable, then a quick check in the mirror to make sure _he_ looked presentable, then he opened the door. “My apologies. I was… distracted. Can I help you with something? Would you like to come in?”

“Yes, thank you.”

Subaki was confused; usually Sakura would summon him if he was needed. It was unusual for her to show up at his door.

She seated herself at the low table. He joined her. “Are you looking forward to the celebration this evening?” He was attempting to make small-talk, but her uncharacteristically wry smile in response made him wonder if he’d walked into a trap.

“I am. Prince Xander was nice enough to ask me to accompany him. It’s not often we all get the opportunity to really relax anymore, is it?”

Subaki’s nose wrinkled reflexively. “Xander? Prince Ryouma didn’t put you up to this, did he? You know my opinion on these archaic, arranged unions and all that nonsense.”

“You assume it’s something as formal as that?”

Subaki was taken aback. “Well…”

“And if it was something forced upon due to diplomacy or other such duties I’m sure that would make you upset, wouldn’t it?”

To save himself from accidentally digging himself deeper into whatever this conversation was really about, Subaki remained silent.

“I hear you aren’t going.” This wasn’t said accusingly, rather, Sakura sounded disappointed.

“Is that really so surprising? Unless you request me present, I don’t go out of my way to attend such events.”

“Yes, I understand. These kinds of things can be… tiring, sometimes. But this time I can’t help but wonder if you actually don’t want to attend.”

Forgetting decorum momentarily, Subaki groaned. “Lady Sakura, what did Hana tell you? She doesn’t understand.”

Sakura smiled. “I stand by what I said that night all those weeks ago. You should let yourself have some fun. And I don’t think I’m the only person who’s been saying this.” She gave him a knowing look. “As you said, nothing is formal. Nothing is serious. And if this has anything at all to do with your duties as a retainer, which I know you take very seriously –and I appreciate, consider yourself off the hook. At least for the evening.”

She exhaled deeply, as if the effort of explaining herself so directly tired her. It probably did.

Subaki resigned himself to his fate. Who knew who would be knocking at his door next if he continued to resist?

 

 

An hour later he was knocking on Selena’s door. It was still a few hours until the event started, but he wasn’t sure how much grovelling he would need to do –he might need these few hours.

Selena’s voice was muffled by the thick door. “Go away, Niles.”

Subaki blinked in surprise. “Uh, not Niles, actually.”

“Oh.” A pause. “And what do _you_ want?”

Aware that he was stepping on thin ice, he said his carefully planned words. “I decided I’m going to the party tonight after all. I was wondering if you would want to accompany me there, or if I should just hope to run into you later this evening?” Not pushy. His going in no way dependent on her going. Two casual options. It was as safe as he could make it.

“Oh yeah? And why did you change your mind? … Was it Camilla?”

Dread washed over him. He suspected there was a good chance Camilla would have been his next visitor.

He had a planned response to this question too, but he felt it melt away in his head an he found himself answering more candidly. “Because I decided I’m stupid and overthink things.” He gave a quick look in both directions down the hallway. “And if you end up going somewhere _far, far away_ , it would be nice if we had the opportunity to do more than just fight and train together.”

Something that might have been a laugh came from the other side of the door. He wish she would just open it like a normal, polite person.

It opened. Selena was looking at him with something he hoped was amusement, her arms crossed in front of her. “For the record, we’ve also done manual labour and shopping excursions together. Now stop hovering outside my door, you _creep_. I’ll save you a seat at the bar.”

 

 

Subaki made a point of arriving at the party a little bit late. He planned to show up, humour Selena a little bit, maybe say hello to Kaze, Hana, and Nyx, and then be back in his room by bedtime.

It wasn’t a mystery as to why they were having such an event; they’d gone weeks relentlessly saving villages and training, waiting for the perfect moment to actually advance the actual war effort. Now they were preparing for what was to come –a trip down a supposedly endless gorge, and whatever lay beyond.

There was also a slew of low-key weddings which had been purposefully subdued to keep everyone focused. It seemed this event might also be acting as a catch-all celebration for morale’s sake.

He opened the double marble doors. There were enough milling crowds, including groundskeepers and those from the reserves that he was able to enter without too much notice. He spotted Selena’s bright red hair at the bar –a long, L-shaped counter with high stools, a dizzying number of glass bottles behind it.

He sauntered up to the empty stool next to her. “Good evening, stranger.”

Selena was wearing a knee-length purple dress, roughly the colour of Camilla’s hair, with details in lace and beads and sparkles. It was very Nohrian, but she looked lovely regardless. He knew Selena liked looking girly (‘feminine’, she would insist) but wasn’t given many opportunities to do so.

Whereas the formalwear from Nohr was detailed via textures of the fabric and different cuts (no two dresses he could see had been of a similar shape), the Hoshidan kimono were all roughly the same format, but were differentiated by the patterns on the cloth. His was a deep blue, with silken patterns of white camellia blossoms up one side and down one sleeve. His obi, the belt at his middle, was nearly the same shade of purple as Selena’s dress.

“I didn’t even see you enter! I thought you loved being the center of attention?” He didn’t know what to say to that. She gestured at the bartender, a rough looking bloke in a Nohrian doublet. “Two for me and my friend.”

Subaki raised his hands in defence. “No no, I’m not drinking.”

She gave him a scathing look. “What did you think we were going to do at the bar, Subaki? Order _tea_?” Two small glasses appeared in front of them, clinking with ice-cubes, a rich amber liquid inside. “Plus, it helps you loosen up a bit, you know? Gods know I can’t be amiable in these situations until I’ve had at least a couple drinks.”

This was another one of her subtle invitations to have him share some embarrassing stories from the past, and gods know he had a few, but he didn’t take the bait. “I don’t care for it. I like to think people enjoy my company even when not lubricated by alcohol.”

Selena handed him one of the tiny Nohrian glasses regardless. They had none of the charm of the little rounded cups used for sake.

“Other people? Pfft, I’m not worried about other people liking _me_ , I’m worried about tolerating other people!” She chuckled to herself. “Then again, I bet you couldn’t keep up with me anyways. I know the rumours about Hoshidans holding their drink. She shrugged nonchalantly.

He met her challenging gaze. He picked up the glass, making a note to not smell it as he raised it to his mouth. “This doesn’t mean I’m agreeing to any sort of drinking contest. I’m just sharing this one with you to be polite.”

“Cheers!”

It burned going down and simmered in his stomach before he could say the worst of it was over. Selena’s words had some truth in them –Hoshidan’s weren’t great with alcohol. He really would try to make this his only glass, although genetic weaknesses aside he was much bigger than Selena and figured he could at least keep up with her if he had to. Not that it would come to that, of course.

“Here’s hoping they pass a few of these around next week when we need to jump down the bottomless gorge, eh?” She didn’t even flinch at the taste.

“I’ll save you a seat on Tenba. Jumping is relative when you’re riding a pegasus down.”

His comment earned him a smile, which settled in his stomach with the alcohol, before he heard his name called in shock. He turned to the familiar voice and saw Takumi coming towards them, exaggerated surprise on his (moderately inebriated) features.

“Subaki! The last person I expected to see!”

Subaki stood up quickly out of respect, only to be waved by Takumi. “Selena, was it? How did you manage to get him here? I don’t think I’ve seen Subaki at a party since… oh boy, I was hardly a teenager back then. He’s been no fun ever since he started working for my sister.” He laughed, as though he said something funny. “These days he’s more scarce at these things than even me!”

Selena appeared to give their new visitor her undivided attention, leaning towards him on her stool conspirationaly. “Oh, do tell me more.”

“Prince Takumi, please don’t…”

Encouraged by the attention, Takumi pulled up a seat. “Well you see, Ryouma used to hold these get-togethers in the castle…”

Subaki then had the joy of telling a surprisingly accurate story of how he’d managed to woo two important ambassador’s wives away from their husbands for the entire evening. Hinata showed up part way through, and only backed Takumi up on his retelling.

“The men were furious, but in the end their wives had such a good time that everything went smoothly, politically.”

“Now he’s mostly a hermit,” Takumi concluded of Subaki, who was avoiding everyone’s eyes. “Sometimes he joins me in the Hoshidan library and beats me at shoji…”

“A toast to celebrate?” Selena’s shit eating grin burned itself into his mind.

“To celebrate what?” Subaki was having second thoughts about trying to get through the evening sober. He took another shot of the nasty Nohrian liquor with everyone else.

Subaki saw Oboro walking by and waved her over, hoping she could get Takumi under some semblance of control, and maybe get him to stop divulging Subaki’s skeletons.

“Subaki!!” From her surprised shriek, he could tell he wouldn’t have an ally in her. “Come to mingle with the commoners (Takumi coughed indignantly) and our silly parties? And here I thought Sakura would somehow keep you from having fun forever.”

Selena seemed to be enjoying the attention on his behalf. “He’s a work in progress. You can thank me later.”

In an effort to change the topic, Subaki scrambled for something to talk about, “They never had this sort of dancing at the Hoshidan parties. Shamisen aren’t very inspiring for that kind of thing.”

He was watching a few people partner up and go about in lively circles. It was a culture clash but no one seemed to care anymore. The Hoshidans who decided to brave the foreign music were either being taught by their Nohrian dance partners or struggling and observing them intently.

Oboro chimed in, rather pointedly, in Subaki’s opinion, “I wish someone would ask _me_ to dance…”

“Where’s Prince Leo? If Subaki bothered to show up he must have also deigned to be here as well. Excuse me…” Takumi took his leave, appearing distracted.

Oboro signaled the bartender and had him serve up four of those fermented wheat drinks which were passed around. Oboro sipped hers moodily.

“Men, am I right?” Selena said. “So, what did you do before you became a retainer, anyways?”

“Oh, I’m from a family of tailors. I made Subaki’s kimono, actually. I made quite a few of the kimono you see here actually.”

“Wow, they’re all so beautiful! Do you think you could make me one too? After the war of course…”

Subaki drifted in and out of Oboro and Selena’s conversation. He’d already sung Oboro’s praises to Selena at some point or another, but to Selena’s credit she pretended to be ignorant, allowing Oboro to continue in her conversation.

At some point Hinata must have snuck off, Hana and Nyx taking his place in their group at the bar. Hana seemed a little too happy to see him there, but thankfully didn’t make a scene. The conversation drifted again, and he felt a little bit left out amongst all these women.

Deciding to seek out some male company, he asked if anyone had seen Kaze.

“Oh yeah, yeah! I think I saw him over on the dance floor, _right Nyx?_ ” Hana elbowed Nyx in the gut, none too gently. The other woman seemed momentarily confused before nodding. Hana continued, “Hey, why don’t you and Selena go see if you can find him?”

Before he could protest Hana’s suggestion, he found himself being shoved in the general direction of the dance floor. He was standing in the midst of swirling couples (or was he the one swirling?), unfamiliar music blaring from the musicians at the front. Where Hoshidan music was dramatic in subtleties, music from Nohr was dramatic with emphasis; large brass instruments and various stringed instruments all seemed to be fighting for attention in his ears.

He was brought out of his stupor by Selena’s expectant face.

“Do you want to dance?” He asked, the idea seeming to come to him after the words left his mouth. It was probably a bad idea, actually, but it was too late to take it back now.

She raised her eyebrows. “You know how to dance to Nohrian music? Now that would be impressive.”

He laughed. “No, I guess I don’t, actually. Could you teach me?”

Even in his slightly fuzzy state he could tell his question surprised her. It was a happy, appreciative sort of surprise, though. Why was she surprised?

He must have asked this question out loud because she answered, “It’s not often I get to teach you stuff, that’s all.” She recovered quickly, placing one of his hands on her waist and clasping the other in her own. “Thankfully I’m a first-rate teacher. The best, actually. This will be an educational experience like no other, I assure you.”

“I do recall you were so good at teaching me pool that I beat you.”

“Hey.” He felt her pinch his shoulder.

Subaki wasn’t sure how long they spun around like that with everybody else. Thankfully his hand on Selena’s waist gave him other things to think about aside from how amateurish he probably looked. She also seemed particularly chatty, which was good, because he was worried about what would tumble out of his mouth next. He got to hear Selena’s very opinionated thoughts on everybody’s clothes, and her strong oppositions to many of the other couples (he was glad to hear she also protested Xander going with Sakura).

When they finally broke away from the dance floor, Selena managed to procure a set of champagne flutes from a passing waiter. Just as sobering up started to seem like a possibility.

“Can we have something Hoshidan next?” He could admit champagne wasn’t terrible –in truth, it was one of the things that used to be imported, before relations between the two countries soured.

She clinked his glass. “Well I can’t exactly say no, now can I? I have to outdrink you, after all.”

The evening began to lose clarity after their first round of sake, and he could feel his flow of consciousness becoming dubious after the next. He was aware he was following Selena around like a lost puppy, but she didn’t seem to mind. He wondered if he was being more fun than usual, because she seemed to be particularly enjoying herself.

They ran into Kaze at some point, and Subaki exclaimed, “Found you!”

Kaze had laughed and asked why he was being searched out. Subaki couldn’t remember why he’s been looking for Kaze in the first place, and found the whole situation quite funny.

-

_They were sitting on a table, his long sleeves were rolled up to his elbows and Selena was doing something to his hair. The sounds of everyone milling about blanketed everything in a warm steady murmur. It reminded him of when he was a kid and he put his head in the snow, and he couldn’t hear anything but the blood pumping through his ears._

_Through all this he could still hear Selena asking him as she tugged at his roots, “How is your hair so damn nice??”_

_-_

_They were running outside, water splashing as they moved. She was chasing him in the large fountain outside, the water up to their ankles. Where did they put their shoes? The water was cold on his feet, but he couldn’t tell if the air outside was warm or chilly. What season was it again? Did they have seasons here? He stopped suddenly, and she bumped into his back, shrieking as she lost her footing, slipping and falling onto her butt in the water. He tried not to laugh as he offered her his hand._

_-_

_He finally got Keaton’s hand to slam on the little mosaiced table. The wolfskin positively howled at the loss. His arm was burning. How many arm-wrestling matches had he won, now?_

_Selena was insisting she go against Keaton now too, but he was standing up, beer in hand, backing away. “The both of you are crazy –I’ve been warned to not encourage either of you!”_

_-_

_Subaki was somewhere small and dark, that smelled like old documents. Someone was playing with his hair again… although he was strangely comfortable despite not really knowing where he was, something was bothering him…_

_Suddenly bright lamp light filled the space. He could barely make out Selena’s sillouette as his eyes adjusted._

_“Oh my gawd…!”_

_As Selena tugged his arm, pulling him to his feet, he heard Niles ask, “What, jealous?”_

_When he’d gotten his footing, he looked around but only saw the empty hallway and its many doors._

_-_

_Selena was leaning on him as they walked through the path in the gardens. He finished his glass –he didn’t remember what was in it this time, but it was colourless so at least he knew it wasn’t whiskey. Most importantly, he and Selena were still toe-to-toe. Literally, since neither of them were wearing shoes. (Where did their shoes go??)_

_“I just don’t think my parents were ever really proud of me, you know?” He heard himself answering a question he couldn’t remember being asked. The alcohol made him feel only loosely connected to the sadness he figured he should be feeling. “Like, I think this is what they wanted me to do, but then I don’t know why they ever thought I was good enough?”_

_“Parents are just people man, they don’t even know what they want. Fuck parents. But what about you? Did you do what you wanted to do at least?”_

_A sudden realization hit Subaki, derailing his already disjointed thoughts. “_ _Oh no…”_

_Selena turned to him, eyes wide. “What??”_

_He had one last thought that evening; “I think I drank too much.”_

*

As Selena walked Subaki back to the castle, she decided that this was probably her fault. She felt him put a little bit more weight on her and she had to prod him a bit. “Hey! Hey hey, keep going, left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot… we’re almost there. Don’t give up on me yet!”

“I don’t give up..!”

“That’s right! Now: Stairs!”

True to his spirit, Subaki had been able to keep up with the drinks that evening. Although relatively speaking, he seemed a bit worse for wear. Selena herself was surprised she was able to assist him in keeping balance at all, unsteady as she was on her feet. She’d apparently ditched her high heeled shoes at some point along the evening, so that was probably helping.

His room was just a short walk down the hall from the entrance, so against social norms perhaps, she walked him to his room.

He knocked. She couldn’t help but laugh, even though it caused her head to pound. Realizing he was knocking on his own door, he smiled sheepishly and opened it. The little thought that had been hidden at the back of her mind all evening caused her hand to close around a fistful of his sleeve, preventing him from entering. He turned around, looking confused.

Her stomach lurched. Her timing was bad –it was too late, they’d let themselves drink too much, they were still on some kind of high from their evening of uninhibited fun. For all these same reasons Selena knew she couldn’t stop herself.

With the excuse and knowledge that neither of them were particularly articulate at the moment anyways, she skipped any verbal preamble and used his arm to pull him down a bit. She kissed him.

The brief contact almost made her feel steady on her feet again. The surprise she felt at the whole circumstance, despite initiating it herself, prevented her from focusing on much else. She couldn’t remember what was the last thing they drank, but she figured that’s what he tasted like. Her neck kind of hurt from angling upwards. Maybe her high-heeled shoes weren’t so bad after all? For a moment she felt one of his large hands on her shoulder, pulling her closer. An incredible rush ran through her, an intensity that managed to push through her drunken haze. She inched forward, trying to deepen the kiss, but then the hand pushed her away.

She looked up at him, confused. “What…?”

His flushed face looked pained. “Selena… we’re _drunk.”_ He whined the last word, making it last longer, as if it was some impenetrable barrier.

“So? I’ve got my head on properly.” This might not have been true, but she had considered this _before_ , when she was sober and really was thinking clearly. But she wasn’t about to tell him _that_!

He pushed her away when she leaned in again. They swayed a moment, temporarily off balance. “No no, I can’t do this with you, Selena.” He said this matter-of-factly, as if he was reading it directly off one of his internal moral codes.

“So it’s _me_ then?” She was hurt. She wondered if she sounded angry. It felt like she’d somehow lost another one of their contests.

“Yes! Oh, no no, not like that…”

Her passions dulled, she decided to let it go. The drinks made that easier, too, at least. Gods knew this wasn’t the first sloppy drunken advance she’d ever made. This one left a surprisingly tender pang that she wondered if she’d feel in the morning, however.

“Okay, okay. Go to bed, Subaki.”

Seeming happy to comply, he lurched over to his bed and collapsed onto it, as if nothing had gone awry. From the light coming through the doorway she could see him sprawled unceremoniously, perpendicular to the edge of his mattress, is calves hanging in mid air.

_This won’_ _t do._

She approached, and realized that he was already snoring. Angling herself appropriately, she tugged on his torso from beneath his armpits, dragging him until his head was on the pillow and his legs were properly on the bed. Finding a throw blanket, she covered him up. He almost looked like he was sleeping normally, and not as though he’d just passed out.

She left and closed the door behind her, wondering how she’d convinced herself, sober, that acting on this particular whim was a good idea.

*

Subaki woke up, with the sunlight sneaking between his curtains feeling like blades digging into his skull. The evening came back to him slowly, and to his dismay, rather disjointedly.

He sat himself up to do a quick damage check; he was in his own bed, which considering he couldn’t remember the walk here at all was probably a lucky accomplishment. He was still wearing his kimono, which wasn’t at all proper, but at least he’d been in a good enough frame of mind to tuck himself in? His feet were bare and muddy. A strange sensation (separate from the headache) caused him to feel the back of his head; his hair was braided. That was… interesting. His right arm was a little sore. And of course, he had a massive hangover.

Not seeing any other obvious damage, he decided it would be better to suffer through this quickly and subtly. He got out of bed and dressed, trying to piece together the bits and pieces from last evening as he did so. On one hand, he had the distinct feeling he had enjoyed himself. On the other hand, the fact that he couldn’t quite remember what he’d done to leave that impression was alarming. He hoped everyone else had been equally inebriated and there would be little evidence of any possible imperfections he may have displayed whilst compromised.

With a mild horror, he realized he’d made a point of keeping Selena company for much of the evening, so whatever ensued, she was either witness, or an accomplice.

Bracing himself for the outside world, he opened his door. It was a little later than he’d usually go for coffee over at the tent camp, but the routine of it seemed comforting at the moment. And Nyx seemed like the kind of person who might be able to at least warn him about the general events of the previous evening.

The fact most of the army still seemed to be in bed was oddly comforting. Aside from Takumi, another notoriously early riser, who gave him a particularly spirited “good morning”, he saw almost no one of note by the time he made it to the little path leading to the tents.

Proving him wrong, Odin appeared in front of him, jumping from a nearby tree in his typical dramatic fashion, landing on the path directly in front of him in a pose of questionable significance. This was an unusual greeting, even for him.

“Ah, good morning Odin. Come to recharge with some coffee as well…?”

“Actually, I just want to have a quick conversation… man-to-man.”

Subaki was immediately concerned; he didn’t think Odin was the kind of person to instigate any sort of conversations that would fall under the category “man-to-man”. His hangover also made him doubt his ability to participate in such conversations on short notice. He replied hesitantly. “Okay then…. I have some time.”

As if on queue (and perhaps it was), Laslow also came onto the path, appearing to stumble out of some nearby bushes. He and Odin exchanged knowing glances.

“We just thought it would be prudent of us to let you know…” Odin faltered. “That is, to warn you that –not to insinuate anything of course but…” Subaki was dying. “It’s just that…”

“Selena plays for the same team.” Laslow’s face looked grave.

“I’m sorry…?”

“She doesn’t like men,” Odin added, giving Subaki a significant look.

Wondering what this was actually about, Subaki attempted to follow the joke, “Well, sometimes she doesn’t like women either! Haha… you know how she can be.”

Another look passed between the two other men.

“No.” Laslow shook his head.

“She likes women. Like, romantically.”

“And sexually.”

“Hey, we can’t just assume—”

“ _I_ don’t have the luxury of not assuming; _you_ weren’t assigned on the expedition with her and Lucina. After sharing a camp I can say for certain—”

Hands went up to Odin’s ears, childishly, “Laslow, she’s my cousin!” His voice squeaked.

“—And Noire—”

“—Okay okay!”

“—Kjelle…” Laslow was listing off fingers now.

“Can we back this up for a second?” Subaki needed to make sure his pounding head was catching all of this. “You’re saying… Selena is a…”

“Lesbian.” It was said in unison.

A real effort was made to not groan out loud. “And why are you telling me this? I mean, if she wanted me to know I feel like she would tell me…?” He felt so stupid he wondered if the feeling was physically radiating from his body. The fact that this was any consequence to him at all, and his reaction was certainly proving that it was, only further proved he hadn’t truly succeeded in convincing himself to deny any romantic possibilities. On top of all this, he felt like he had (involuntarily) invaded her privacy.

Now the two other men looked rightfully awkward.

“We like you, Subaki. And for what it’s worth, Selena clearly does too.”

“—Just not like that. We wouldn’t want you to… pursue the wrong ideas.”

The universe generally rolled in Subaki’s favour, but something was drastically misaligned. The worst part of it all, is he had really been trying to follow his inner compass –how had it worked out that so many people had pushed him to go with her to the party anyways??

Subaki tried to calm himself before he got overly upset in this semi-public. “Right. Thanks guys. Don’t worry though, we were just friends. Are. Are friends.” He tried to not sigh again. He hurried away to get his coffee, eager to cease talking about all of this immediately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait everyone! To make it up to you, this chapter is a whopping 8000 words! It was also a ton of fun to write! (The conversation with Laslow and Odin at the end was literally in my head for MONTHS)
> 
> I'm thinking another 2 chapters or so until the end? I hope you're enjoying it! Please comment/kudos if you are! Last chapter didn't get much attention and to be honest it made me feel a bit discouraged :(
> 
> You can find me on twitter @chrrybubblegum


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